Help Me Remember (Rose Canyon, #1)(72)

I’m engaged to Spencer.

Spencer who has always been an abstract.

Spencer who I thought I was building a future with.

Spencer who told me he would never lie.

Spencer who gave me truths others didn’t.

Spencer who is the biggest liar of all.

So what else is he lying about?

“And how do I know that isn’t true now?”

He blinks, his eyes wide. “What?”

“You heard me. How do I know that you aren’t what’s wrong in my life? How do I even understand any of it?”

“You really think that I am what you’re trying to forget?”

“I don’t know. How could I have wanted to spend my life with someone who, not even a few hours ago, looked me in the eyes and lied?”

“Because I never planned to. I never wanted to.”

“But you did!” I yell, the anger resurfacing. I turn and move away from him. When he’s close, I can’t think straight. The pit in my stomach grows, making it hard to breathe. “How could you do this?”

“Do what?”

I grab the frame from his hand. “This! How could you love me and do this? How do I know that this is even real?”

Spencer takes two steps toward me, and I back up. He stops, lifting both hands in the air. “You’re afraid of me?”

I never thought it would be possible, but right now I’m terrified of everything—including him. I don’t have anything real to hold on to. There isn’t a single memory I’ve made in the last three years that’s concrete. No truth because I can’t trust that anything I’m remembering is real. It feels as though I’m living on a broken mirror that’s reflecting distorted and shattered images and cutting me every time I move.

“Were we even together when this all happened?”

“Of course we were.”

I shake my head. “You say that as though I should know, but Henry lied about it, so don’t act like I’m crazy for asking you.”

His voice is soft, and my heart races as he lowers his hands. “We started as just . . . I don’t know. We both agreed it was just sex. Just this attraction we gave into. It was supposed to be one night, but there wasn’t a chance in hell I could stop there. Not after finding out how incredible we were together.”

I don’t want to hear this, but I need to. “And then what?”

Spencer stands like a statue, answering my questions. “We fell in love. Neither one of us planned it, which is why we didn’t tell anyone.”

That makes no sense. “Why? Why would we keep this a secret?”

He pushes his thick hair back. “It changed each time we talked about it. We had every excuse under the sun. In the beginning it was sex, so we had no reason to tell anyone. It was fun and exciting sneaking around.”

“That doesn’t sound like me, Spencer. I would never keep something like being engaged from Isaac, especially to his best friend. Is that what happened? Did he find out?”

“Isaac never knew. No one else did.”

No, that’s not the truth. I wouldn’t lie to my brother. The one thing that I had in him was honesty. “I don’t believe you.”

“So, what? You think he knew, and that’s why he died?”

My heart is pounding as everything starts to connect. I have always thought his death was tied to me. Something I knew or said set in motion the events that led to him being killed. I have had this horrible feeling that it all came back to the man who gave me that ring. I just didn’t know he’d been by my side this whole time.

Spencer is trained to kill. He said it himself that he was in SEAL school and had to protect himself at times.

It’s not a far stretch that he could’ve done it. He could’ve been angry at Isaac or me.

“I think anything is possible at this point.”

He moves closer again and my body starts to tremble. Oh, God, I can’t breathe.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that I . . . I can’t . . . don’t—” I can’t talk. My chest is tight, and panic is starting to overtake my thoughts.

“Brielle, relax.”

“I won’t relax! All I have known from the beginning is that someone killed my brother. Someone tried to kill me. I have said that I thought it was the man in my life. That my office being trashed, the ring, the paper trail, which you gave me, was all tied together. Now I find out that person is you?”

“You think I could fucking kill my best friend? That I would ever hurt you? I trashed your office? What possible reason would I have to do any of that? Are you kidding me? I love you! I would die for you! I have been here for you every goddamn day, making sure you felt safe and were safe. Jesus! You can’t really believe that!”

Everything he’s saying makes complete sense and it is exactly what someone who didn’t want to be caught would say. There are no witnesses, save for myself. So, what better way to make sure he knew the second I remembered what happened than to spend every day with me?

The two of us stare at each other, and then his shoulders fall. “Brielle, I need you to hear me. I didn’t want to lie. I had two choices, I do what I needed to in order to protect any case they might build or stay away from you. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t not . . . I couldn’t.”