Help Me Remember (Rose Canyon, #1)(20)

I look up in Addy’s blue eyes, which are swimming with unshed tears. “I’m going to miss you.”

A tear falls. “I’m going to miss you too, but I won’t be gone long. I don’t think I can stay away from Rose Canyon. As hard as it is to be here, it’ll be just as bad being away. Isaac has been my life since I was seventeen. I . . . don’t know that I can ever really stay away.”

On one level, I knew she would be back and this wasn’t permanent, but I still feel marginally better. However, like Spencer said, this isn’t about what I want, it’s about what she needs.

“I hope that, when you do come back, you’ll feel better.”

“And all I want is for you to get better—and not just so we’ll know what happened. I want you to remember because before everything went sideways, you were happy. I want you to find that again, so if something or someone doesn’t feel right to you, try to remember what I said about your instinct, okay?”

“So, I take it you’re not a fan of Henry?”

“I never was.”

“No, but . . . you didn’t really voice it.”

Addison laughs without humor. “You got enough of that from your mother. I didn’t need to add fuel to that fire.”

“I have this feeling that we’re not together. I keep wondering, why would I still put up with this? Why was there no trace of him in my apartment? If we were still dating, there’d be something of his, right?”

Addison gives me a face that basically answers the questions before she shrugs. “Did you want to find something of his there?”

“After he didn’t come to the funeral . . . no.”

Addy raises a brow. “Whether you are or aren’t still a thing, and I’m not saying you are . . . or are not. I was kind of shocked he wasn’t there.”

“He did call,” I tell her.

“Oh, how nice of him. I take it he didn’t show up at all?”

“I got my new phone number, and I sent him a text so he’d have it. He called right away, but I was too emotional to answer. He left a voice mail saying he was sorry and was going to come as soon as he could. Then texted me saying how sorry he was and gave me some bullshit about a client that he was required to handle and to please understand it won’t be like this again. He wants me to come to Portland and spend some time with him. It’s so . . . I don’t know. For now, I don’t feel much like responding.”

I can see on her face that she’s not buying any of it. “You should do what you think is right. Not to mention, you’re not stupid or a doormat.”

“How do I decide what’s right when I’m missing all the tools to weigh my options?”

Addison sits beside me, stretching her legs out. “I think you have to follow your gut. Right now, it seems as if it’s telling you what you should do, so it’s up to you to be brave enough to listen. But, do me a favor, okay?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t do anything unless it’s something you want to do. The last two weeks have been a nightmare for both of us, and sometimes it’s important to take a minute and just breathe and heal. Also, before you make any decisions about Henry, know that whatever you’re experiencing now is likely how your life is or would be with him. We both know you won’t put up with it.”

There is a beat of time that passes as we take in her words, really letting them settle around us before I look to her. “Thank you. Also, thank you for not hating me,” I say. It’s been a worry of mine, that Addison would look at me like a failure as well.

“What the hell could I hate you for?”

“I don’t know . . . the entire situation.”

“I would never hate you. You didn’t do this, Brielle. There’s no one else in the world who loved Isaac as much as you. He was your hero too.”

“I’m going to get to the bottom of it,” I tell her with every ounce of sincerity I have. “For you. For Elodie. For him.”

“I don’t doubt you.”

And hopefully, I find myself somewhere along the way.





Spencer walks me to the door of my apartment, and my hands are shaking the entire time.

I am strong. I can do this. I just have to get through the first night, and then it’ll be easy.

That’s the new load of crap I’m feeding myself.

“I was thinking we should go skydiving,” Spencer says, stunning me.

“What?”

“We should do something stupid.”

“And skydiving is your top suggestion?”

He tilts his head. “Maybe cliff diving.”

I huff. “Yeah, that went over super well the last time.”

Spencer grins. “Yeah, you totally didn’t listen when we said to jump to the left.”

I glare at him. “I was, like, a thousand feet up! I couldn’t hear shit. The wind was blowing, it was fucking freezing, and you idiots were waving your hands in different directions. I had to guess.”

“You guessed wrong.”

Oh, I hate him. “You can say this flippantly now, but if I remember, you were losing your mind when I came up for air.”

He was a maniac, actually. Spencer was screaming at Holden, who was up at the top with me. I thought he was going to kill him. Ironically, my brother is who calmed him down after it was very clear I was fine.