Healing Gabe (The Last Hangman MC #3)(19)
“I need you for the same reasons. We have each other. Things might not be perfect but we’ll make the best of it. I haven’t felt as alive as I did last night for a long time.”
“I felt the same way,” she says softly, resting her forehead against my chest.
“Sorry if I ruined this morning.”
“It’s alright. You were right, you can’t control your dreams.” She shrugs. “It did hurt, I know how much you loved Annie and to be honest, I’m still wondering if you wanted what happened last night because it would remind you of Annie or because you actually wanted me.”
I rub my face, this is why I don’t do relationships. “Look at me.” I say a bit too roughly. She complies but looks hurt and vulnerable. Fuck. I don’t want to see that look, I especially don’t want to be the one putting it on her beautiful face. “Yes, I was with your sister, but last night? It was all you. I never thought once about Annie and it felt f*cking amazing. Yes, you are her twin, but you two are so different, even more so now. You grew into such a beautiful woman, more beautiful than I could’ve ever imagined. Annie always had a soft and serene look about her. You were always the strong and rebellious one and you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, and that dimple in your left cheek always drove me nuts. Don’t compare yourself or what we have, to something that happened years ago.”
“T…thanks.” She blushes and hides in my chest.
“You’re welcome, Doll and I almost forgot how painfully embarrassed you get when someone gives you a compliment.” I chuckle.
“Piss off!” She punches my ribs and I groan. “Shit! I’m sorry.” She looks up at me biting her lip.
“It’s alright. Still a bit sensitive.” I rub at my chest.
“What happened?” She brushes her fingers over the gunshot wound.
“Little altercation with the Kings a few months ago.”
“Fuck.” She sighs.
“You can say that again.” I kiss her head and walk her to the kitchen.
I make us some toast, eggs and bacon before heading out the door. As much as I want to stay with her and never leave, I have club business to attend to. Whilst Ant’s away I have to make sure everything runs smoothly. I kiss her goodbye and get into my Thunderbird before driving away.
I don’t know how things will go. We might be making a huge f*cking mistake, but it feels so f*cking right, even if she’s thinking the wrong things. I will never be able to forgive myself if something were to happen to Viv. She’s my light.
CHAPTER 7
Viv
Talk about emotional whiplash!
One minute he doesn’t want a relationship and then he acts like we’re a couple.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the super sweet Gabe who acts likes he wants me but how am I supposed to cope when I know he just sees my dead twin? I don’t know what to do, I’ve loved him relentlessly for twelve years now. Maybe it’s because he’s the only good thing left from my past, or maybe I really just have been in love with him for so long because he’s the only man who ever made me feel safe. Despite the little time we’ve spent together, those few times made me feel f*cking amazing. I’m beyond confused and wish my mom was still around, she would have known what to do. I’ve managed to put myself in a situation I always wanted to avoid and I have no idea how to get out of it, or if I even want to get out of it.
I think back to last night, at first it was awkward just to play strip poker with Gabe, especially considering I lost all my clothes during the first half hour, then to have him wanting to do body shots; that shit was crazy. I was more than intoxicated at that point, both from the alcohol and from Gabe. My heart stopped when he said he needed me. He could have said he just wanted sex but no, he needed me. He has no idea how important those three words were to me.
I still don’t know what to make of last night. He was funny, passionate, sweet, an extremely good kisser and even better lover, and he spent the night. I never let guys spend the night or stay at theirs and Gabe most certainly doesn’t strike me to be the type to cuddle or stay the night either. When he looked into my eyes during sex we both seemed to experience a life changing moment. It felt like everything I ever wanted in life was handed to me and my life was finally complete. Like the pieces of my shattered heart were starting to be stitched back together.
I’m probably getting ahead of myself and imagining that he’ll come to me because he wants me for me and not for what, or rather who, I remind him off. The feeling of things both turning really good and really bad at the same time keeps popping in the back of my mind. I need to stop over thinking or I’m going to drive myself even crazier.
I sigh to myself and start to clean up last night’s antics. I fill a bag with the empty bottles and tidy the rest of the mess. I can’t believe we drank so much, a part of me wishes it never happened and the other is still doing cartwheels because it did.
What a bloody conundrum.
******
February 16, 2015
Over the weekend I didn’t hear from Gabe which was incredibly disappointing and I’m not going to lie, it hurt. Looks like I really was just an easy f*ck for him after all, one who just so happens to look exactly like the love of his life. I loved every second of it but now I feel used.