Happily Letter After(75)
“Look at you beautiful ladies. You weren’t kidding when you said Sadie was gonna get you all dressed up.”
“Sometimes a lady needs to live like the princess she is.” Sadie winked at Birdie.
“Don’t we look pretty, Daddy?”
“You’d better put a napkin over that beautiful dress, Birdie. I know how messy you normally get when you’re eating your Bolognese.”
I took a deep breath in. The anxiety in my chest was starting to suddenly build again. Anytime I would think about the envelope that was sitting way in the back of my closet in a box I kept old CDs in, I freaked. I hadn’t opened it. I just hadn’t been ready. Not only that, the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was a major violation of Sadie’s privacy. I still had no idea what to do. But this was eating away at me, and I knew I couldn’t last like this for very long.
As I stood there ruminating in front of my girlfriend and daughter, I was apparently doing a horrible job of hiding my continuous panic.
A look of concern crossed Sadie’s face. “Seb, are you okay?”
I blinked several times. “You know . . . I haven’t been feeling well all day.”
Not a lie.
I pulled out a chair and sat down with them, downing the water that had been placed in front of Sadie.
Sadie put her hand on mine. “It’s stress. You’ve been so worried about the staffing shortage here. I know it’s been getting to you.”
“Yeah. That’s probably it.” I placed my other hand over hers and squeezed it, forcing a smile to ease her worry.
She felt my forehead. “You’re actually freezing. I don’t think you have a fever.”
Birdie pouted. “Daddy, can you stop working and just eat with us? I bet you’ll feel better after a big bowl of Birdie’s Pasta Bolognese.”
I needed to get my shit together. I needed to sit down and have a normal meal with them and quietly figure out how to handle the situation without giving myself away.
Get your shit together.
“You know what? I think that might be just the medicine I need. Let me go put the orders in.” I turned to Sadie. “What do you want, baby?”
She looked over at Birdie and smiled. “Why don’t we make it a Bolognese triplicate.”
I nodded. “Three Birdie’s Pasta Bologneses coming right up.”
As I retreated to the kitchen to put the order in, I inhaled deeply, relishing the break from having to look Sadie in the eyes. As I stood there amid the chaos of the kitchen, listening to the clanking sounds of pans, watching the steam emanate from the stove, all the sounds became amplified. Even the chopping of the salad felt like a banging inside my head. It became clearer and clearer by the second that I couldn’t handle this alone. My fear wasn’t about the end result of that DNA test. It was about losing Sadie for what I had done, going behind her back and stealing her things. I knew I needed to tell her before I ever opened that envelope. The choice wasn’t mine. It was Sadie’s. It was all hers.
Wiping my brow, I took a deep breath in and returned to the table.
“Dinner should be ready shortly.” I smiled, looking between them.
“Okay.” Sadie reached across the table and took my hand, then reached out and offered her other one to my daughter. “Birdie, honey, I want to talk to you about something.”
Birdie placed her hand into Sadie’s. “Are you going to tell me we can’t have dessert? Because I really can’t stop thinking about these rainbow cookies they make here. They’re so soft with some kind of jam in the middle, and the entire outside is made of chocolate. I was going to ask if we could have them before dinner, but I figured Dad would say no.”
Sadie chuckled and shook her head. “Definitely not what I was going to say. But as long as we’re talking about rainbow cookies, I think we should order two helpings of those.” Sadie looked up at me, smiled, and squeezed my hand. “What I wanted to talk to you about is something you asked me the other day. You asked what would happen if your dad and I broke up. I’ve been thinking a lot about that question and even discussed it with your dad. So I thought I’d give you a better answer now that we’ve had the time to think about it.” Sadie glanced at me again and then leaned closer to Birdie, looking her directly in her eyes. “No matter what happens between your dad and me, I’m not going anywhere when it comes to being your friend. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re sort of stuck with me, kid. No matter where life takes any of us, I’d like to be a part of your life.” Sadie looked up at me. “And your dad is good with that, aren’t you, Sebastian?”
I’d gotten choked up watching the two of them together and had to clear my throat before speaking. “Absolutely. Sadie will always be welcome in our family.”
Birdie got up out of her chair and stood before me. She tucked her chin to her chest and said, “Daddy, can you take my tiara out of my hair for me?”
My brows furrowed, but I did it. Untangling a few pieces of hair that were stuck, I slipped the sparkly crown from atop my daughter’s head and handed it to her. She then walked over to Sadie.
“This is our special friend crown. It’s my most favorite thing I have. One time I thought I lost it, so my dad went and bought me another one just like it. So I have two. I want you to take this one. It means more than just a friendship bracelet.”