Guilty Needs(5)

Shit, could she possibly feel any guiltier? Didn’t seem possible, but Bree realized she was wrong. As he innocently stroked her shoulder and tried to make her feel better while his dying wife lay sleeping, Bree stood there, her body reacting to his touch as though he had stripped her naked and put his mouth on her. Her guilt grew until it encompassed everything.

Haltingly, she said, “She’s my best friend, Colby. I need to be with her.”

“I know. And she needs you.”

Tears blurred her eyes. Rage churned inside, trapped, unable to find any outlet. She started to shake and she knew, just knew she was going to break. Alyssa was wrong. Bree wasn’t strong—she was about as weak as they come.

Colby sighed.

So attuned to him, Bree heard the soft catch in the sound and unwittingly, she lifted her head and looked at him. Saw a muscle jerk in his jaw, saw the suspicious glitter in his eyes. But then he blinked and it was gone. “I’m glad she has you with her, Colby.”

Then she rose on her toes and kissed his cheek. If she breathed in the scent of his skin a little deeper than she should, it wasn’t intentional. If she shivered a little and wished she had the right to kiss him differently, it wasn’t because she could help it. She loved him—she always had.

But no matter what Alyssa had asked of her, this wasn’t something she could do.





The next day, Alyssa was gone. Colby had lain down with her for a nap and she died quietly in his arms while her private-duty nurse was at lunch. Bree was five miles away, bringing Alyssa some cinnamon candy from a small, family owned candy shop, even though she knew Alyssa wouldn’t eat them. She’d spent the past day trying to come up with the words for Alyssa, words to explain that what Alyssa wanted wasn’t something that Bree could really do.

But it was too late for explanations.

Too late to tell her best friend how sorry she was, even if Alyssa didn’t want apologies.

Too late to do anything but watch as Colby quietly and emotionlessly went about the task of calling the doctor and everybody else. Even though the nurse told them she’d handle it, Colby did it all. And when it was done, when all the final arrangements were made, he walked out of the house without looking back. She didn’t see him for two days, not until the visitation, and he didn’t say a word, didn’t speak to anybody. It was almost like looking at a robot.




Today was no better.

He continued to stare down into the gaping hole in the earth. The silent agony on his face had her eyes tearing up. She wanted to say something, wanted to do something, but what was there to say? What was there for her to do?

Still, she couldn’t just stand there. Making her way across the sodden earth, the heels of her boots sinking into the soggy ground, rain pelting her face and hair, she went to stand with him. “Colby.”

At first, he didn’t even act as if he’d heard her. Then, slowly, he lifted his gaze from Alyssa’s coffin and stared at Bree as though he’d never seen her before. She gave him a half-hearted smile and held out a hand. “Come on. You don’t need to keep standing in this rain.”

Off to the side, a sleek, dark-gray limo waited, but if she knew Colby, there was no way he was going to climb into it. He’d followed the unspoken funeral protocol, done what was expected, arriving at the funeral home and sitting in the front pew as Danny spoke about Alyssa’s too-short life and the grace she’d shown even when death came for her. The words had been like ashes to Bree and she had no doubt the words of comfort and commiseration had been every bit as bitter for Colby.

Now the funeral was over and there was nobody but them. He’d likely throw protocol to the wayside.

As though following her line of thought, he glanced toward the limo and his lip curled. “Do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

Jerking his head toward the limo, he said, “Tell them to get the hell out of here.”

She rephrased a little, explaining to the driver that she’d get Colby home. As the limo drove off down the narrow black road, she made her way back to Colby. Inside her boots, her feet were damp and cold. Her sodden skirt didn’t do anything to block the chilly wind.

Keeping her arms wrapped around her midsection, she joined him once more at the graveside. “Let me drive you home, Colby.”

He shook his head. His dark hair was plastered to his head, he was soaked through and through, but he showed no intention of getting out of the rain. “I can’t go back to that house right now, Bree. I can’t do it.”

She suppressed a sigh. Pushing her dripping hair back from her face, she hooked her arm through his and tugged. To her surprise, he fell in beside her. Every step away from Alyssa’s grave was painful and by the time they reached her car, tears mingled with the rain on her face. “We’ll go to my house for a while, if you want.”

“Fine.” His voice was hollow. Expressionless. His eyes were every bit as empty. “Whatever.”

Help him through this…she knew that was what she needed to do.

But Bree had no idea how. How did you help a person who had lost the other half of their soul?




It still didn’t seem real.

Colby had known this day was coming for weeks now. He had feared it for months, ever since Alyssa’s lab tests came back showing positive for cancer cells. But still, it did not seem real.