Guilty Needs(3)

“Sooner or later, yeah. I know he will. And so will you. But that’s not it.” She wiggled around and said, “Help me sit up, will you? I’m so damn tired of lying down.”

A few minutes later, several pillows plumped up behind her back and the head of the bed elevated, Alyssa sighed. “Oh, that’s better. I might make Colby take me out to the garden later. I’ve missed working in it.”

“I bet your flowers miss you working on them. Colby’s doing what he can, but he doesn’t have a green thumb. I offered to help but he said he’d rather do it.”

A grin tugged Alyssa’s lips. “For me.” She sighed, gazing out the window at the riot of colors blooming. “Maybe later you can take care of it. I know he’s not going to keep messing with it after.”

“Consider it done.”

Silence fell and Bree found herself uncomfortable with it, nervous. It was weird, feeling nervous like this with her best friend. They didn’t constantly need the silence filled, but today, it felt different. Edgy. Heavy.

A minute later, though, Bree wished for the awkward silence again. Her heart slammed up into her throat, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t keep her reaction under control. Hell, she couldn’t say anything.

Patiently, Alyssa repeated the question she’d asked only seconds earlier. “Do you love Colby?”

Some trite lie formed on the tip of her tongue. Of course I love him—he’s your husband and that makes him almost a brother to me. But she couldn’t. It was just too wrong—lying to her dying friend, claiming to feel a fraternal emotion toward a man who inspired anything but fraternal thoughts. In the end, all she could do was just sit there and blink away tears.

“What’s going on, Lys?” she asked woodenly.

“I’m taking care of unfinished business—namely you and Colby. You do love him, don’t you?”

Mute, Bree nodded. The knot in her throat was so damn huge, it felt as though she was going to choke on it.

It was words, she realized. Apologies that she should have given long ago. “I’m so sorry, Alyssa. I just…I can’t…I…I…” Jerking her hands away, she covered her face and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Why? I love him. I know how damn easy he is to love.”

“He’s your husband, damn it. I shouldn’t…”

“You can’t control who you love. It’s not something we’re given a choice in, Bree. And it’s not something we should choose. Why be sorry for something you can’t control? You’ve never done anything about it, you’ve hidden it, you’ve never let it come between us. It’s not as if you ever tried to take him away from me.”

Appalled, Bree stared at Alyssa. “Why would I? He loves you. He—”

The faint smile on Alyssa’s mouth had Bree swallowing the rest of her words.

“I know.” Shaking her head, Alyssa said, “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

Although it wasn’t a question, Bree couldn’t help but respond to it anyway. “I never did anything, Lys. I swear, I never—”

“Bree. I know,” Alyssa said softly. She held out her hand—thin, frail and trembling.

But when Bree linked their hands, she felt as though she was the weak one. Physically, emotionally and mentally. “You’re not mad at me? Why aren’t you mad at me?”

“No, I’m not mad. Hell, Bree, how could I be mad?”

“I don’t get how you can’t be mad.” Sick inside, humiliated, scared, miserable, Bree tried to pull away. “I’m sorry.” She couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Alyssa, impatient as ever, rolled her eyes. “Enough with the ‘I’m sorry’ crap, Bree. It’s okay. I’m not mad. I just…well, look. I know you love him. That’s why I know I can ask this…favor.”

“Favor.” Wary, Bree pushed off the bed and backed away. Tucking her hands into her pockets, she asked, “I think you need to explain about this favor.”

“I don’t want Colby to be alone,” Alyssa said quietly. Her voice was faint, a bare echo of the deep, throaty purr it had been since her mid-teens. But for all its softness, it was firm. And certain. Very, very certain. “He deserves a happy life, but I know him. He’s going to lock himself away over this and brood. And brood. And brood and brood. You get the point.”

“He’s good at brooding. But he’ll be okay.”

“You don’t seem to get what I’m wanting here.”

Rolling her eyes, Bree said, “That’s because you haven’t asked me for anything. I’m not quite the mind-reader you are.”

Alyssa smiled. “That’s just because you like being the stubborn type. If you weren’t so damn stubborn, you’d know what I was getting at. I want you…with Colby.”

“With Colby.” Bree blinked, the words rattling around in her mind, but not connecting, not making any sense. “What do you mean?

“I mean, I want you with Colby,” Alyssa said.

Bree’s jaw dropped. Alyssa grinned.

“What in the hell are you talking about?”

“I want him happy. I don’t want him hooking up with some money grubber and I don’t want him spending his life alone.”