Gone (Deadly Secrets #2)(48)

Raegan looked toward the hall. “What was that?”

Luis glanced over his shoulder. “Oh, that was our son Miguel. Sorry, he must have woke the baby.”

“Baby.” From the corner of his eye, Alec saw the way Raegan’s face paled. “You had another baby?”

Shuffling sounded again, then a boy with shaggy dark hair appeared from the hall, holding a red-faced, chubby baby with tear tracks down his cherub face.

Marie jumped up from her seat and rushed to the boy’s side, taking the infant from her son as she spoke quickly in a soothing Spanish tone.

Luis handed the card back to Alec. “That’s Daniel, our youngest.”

Raegan pushed to her feet and crossed to Marie and the baby, holding out her finger for the baby to grab. “Oh my goodness. He’s adorable. Hi, there. Hi, little guy.”

The baby sniffled, eyed her with big brown eyes, and wrapped his chubby hand around her finger.

Marie held the baby out to Raegan. “Here. You hold?”

“Oh. Um.” Raegan’s eyes widened, but she reached for the boy, taking him into her arms and pulling him close against her. Naturally. Like a woman who’d held a child a thousand times before.

“Oh my goodness,” she said again, staring down at him with a mixture of wonder and sadness Alec didn’t miss. “You are absolutely beautiful, aren’t you? How old is he?” she asked, looking at Marie.

“Six months,” Luis answered.

“Six months,” Raegan repeated, staring back down at the baby as she began to sway from side to side with him in her arms. “What a big boy you are. What a sweet, big boy.”

Tears glistened in her eyes as she smiled at the infant, and as he watched, Alec’s heart contracted so hard, pain radiated all through his torso and arms and legs.

“We weren’t sure we’d ever have any more kids,” Luis said softly at Alec’s side while the two women focused their attention on the baby. “Weren’t really sure we’d even stay together after we lost David. Marie, she blamed herself. Couldn’t let it go, even though it wasn’t her fault. If I had been with him, he could have climbed out of that stroller just the same. Sometimes . . .” The man shrugged, and Alec looked his way. “Sometimes bad things just happen.”

Alec’s throat grew thick. “How did you get past it?” He nodded toward Raegan and the baby, forcing himself to keep going. “How did you get to this?”

“I don’t know. We just did.” Luis held his arm out, and the boy who’d carried the baby into the room moved to his side and sat. “We had Miguel. He needed us. When he started having trouble in school and with friends, it was a wake-up call for us.”

“Geez, Dad,” Miguel said with a sheepish smile. “I wasn’t that bad.”

Luis ruffled his son’s hair. “No, not that bad. But we were.” He looked at Alec once more. “Life goes on. That’s what we learned. You never forget. You never stop looking. But you can’t spend your time living in the past or you miss out on the present.”

God, this guy sounded so freakin’ healthy. Healthier than Alec had ever been.

“My wife and I both applied for citizenship after that. And we decided it was time we stopped pretending to be a family and finally got married. I stopped running with my gang and went to a trade school while she got a job with the school district. It wasn’t easy, and there were times I thought we’d never make it, but then we moved out here where I could work, found this house to rent. She’s still working for the schools here, but she’s taking a class to improve her English, and she wants to go to school and get her degree so she can be a nurse.”

Amazingly healthy. Especially considering all the obstacles against them. Alec stared in wonder at Raegan, shifting the baby in her arms and laughing at his puzzled expression. “And the baby?”

“He was Marie’s idea. I wasn’t sure at first. Wasn’t sure we could handle it or that having a baby around wouldn’t be a constant reminder of David. But Marie was insistent. She never wanted Miguel to be an only child, and now”—he looked toward his wife and their son in Raegan’s arms—“now I can’t imagine life without him. Having him was the best thing we did for the both of us.”

Raegan’s gaze lifted from the baby and drifted Alec’s way. And when she smiled, her eyes still glistening with unshed tears, her arms still rocking the baby, something inside his heart broke open wide.

He loved her. Had never stopped loving her. And he knew some part of him would always love her no matter where he went or who he was with.

Instead of warming him, though, that realization sent a whisper of fear through his chest because he didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t know if they were as strong as the Ramirezes or if it was even smart to think about trying again, considering everything he’d put Raegan through. He just knew he was tired of fighting what he felt. Tired of pretending he didn’t care. Tired of looking at her and wishing so much between them could be different.

He was just deathly afraid of fucking up all over again and making things worse for both of them if he took a chance.



Raegan stared out the passenger window as Alec drove them back to her apartment in the city. A light rain had begun to fall when they were talking with the Ramirezes, and now that it was dark, the city growing larger in the windows shimmered like white twinkle lights on Christmas morning.