Full Tilt (Full Tilt #1)(48)

His smile was so sweet and warm, but sad too. Yellow tinged with blue. “You can’t fail me. I don’t expect anything from you, Kacey. Only friendship, as much or as little as you want to give.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You will,” Jonah said. “Go to your room in your next house or hotel, away from the band. Shut the door and lock it, and in the quiet ask yourself what you really want to do. You, Kacey Dawson. What do you want for yourself? Don’t think about me or Lola or Jimmy or anyone else. Just you.”

What I wanted. I thought I knew but could I come back here for it? Could I find the strength to stand on my own? And if I did, how fast would the four months go? Could I watch Jonah…?

I shuddered, unwilling to even finish the thought, and the coward in me whispered I didn’t have the backbone for what I wanted.

“Contracts are almost impossible to break,” I said. “I might be stuck no matter what.”

“You might. But the right thing will always find a way.” He took a step closer. “Be safe, okay? Above all else, be safe.”

I nodded and leaned against him. His arms went around me and I turned my face into his chest, inhaling deeply. I wanted to take some of Jonah with me, the part that kept me settled and calm and quiet.

We walked back out to the parking lot where Jimmy was pacing in front of the sedan and tugging at his collar of his dress shirt in the heat.

“Jesus, kitten, I’m dying out here. Let’s go already. We got to be at the airport in two hours.”

He and Jonah eyed each other hard while the sedan driver took my bags and stowed them in the trunk. The driver held the door open for me, and Jimmy motioned for me to get in.

Jonah leveled a finger at Jimmy. “You take care of her.”

“Of course. We got a brand-new opening act, as promised.” Jimmy’s smile was bright and fake. “I take care of my girls. They’re like daughters to me.”

Jonah raised an eyebrow, and his stare hardened to ice.

Jimmy coughed. “Never mind,” he said, climbing into the car. “We got a schedule to keep.”

I turned back to Jonah. He looked down at me and our eyes locked. In the next heartbeat I was standing on my tiptoes and pressing my lips to his. He made a sound in his chest, as if in pain, and I felt the answering ache in mine. I pulled away before the soft kiss became a hard promise I couldn’t keep.

I turned and climbed into the car and didn’t look back. Not even to wave.

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.





The Summerlin house was trashed. I stood in the center of my room, staring at the mess. The cigarette burns in the carpet, the makeup residue in the sink, unidentifiable stains on the carpet.

“I packed for you,” Lola said from the door.

I jumped, my heart pounding. “You scared me.” My nerves were shot. I sat on the unmade bed and smoothed out the comforter, as if it helped. “This place is a disaster.”

Lola shrugged. “That’s what security deposits are for.” She crossed her arms. “So… Are you with us?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“You’re with us, but are you with us. They don’t call it a band for nothing, you know. We need to play as a whole. Are you ready to do that now?”

I shrugged, not looking at her. “Sure.”

I heard Lola sigh and shift on her heels. “Is it the guy? The limo driver?”

“What about him?”

“Is he another Chett? Another guy who’s going to f*ck you up for God knows how many years? Because honestly, Kacey—”

“He’s dying.”

Lola’s arms dropped to her side. “What do you mean he’s dying?”

I stared at her, shaking my head.

Her chin tilted. “You mean like, dying dying?”

I nodded.

“Cancer?”

“Heart failure. Slow heart failure.”

Slow failure that’s going to take him so f*cking fast…

“Shit.” Lola sat next to me on the bed. “Oh, honey I’m so sorry.” She put her arms around me though I hardly felt it. “Well. You met him on Friday night, right? Or Saturday morning? Whenever you regained consciousness on his couch?”

“Yeah,” I said. “So what?”

“So… It sucks he’s sick, but you’ve known him all of four days. If that.”

I blinked at her. “And?”

“I’m just saying, you found out before you got in too deep. The last thing you’d want is to get involved with someone who can’t give you a future.”

“No.” I shot off the bed, shaking my head vigorously now. “No, you are not going to do this.”

“Do what? Give you a reality check?”

“Talk about him. You don’t know—” I waved my hands. “Never mind. I’m not talking to you about him. Or these four days. They’re mine. So let’s…f*cking go already. We have a plane to catch.”

“Glad to hear it,” said a voice at the door. Jeannie leaned against the jamb, arms crossed over her black, mid-riff-bearing shirt. She tossed a lock of dark hair out of her eyes. “You’re ready to rejoin us?”

“We’re cool, Jeannie,” Lola said, staring at me, her eyes soft with compassion but hard with don’t f*ck this up. “She’s ready. Right? She needed a little break. Some time to chill. Nothing wrong with that.”