Full Tilt (Full Tilt #1)(44)

God, the chaotic hope and dread of the situation was making me dizzy, and now I was hallucinating my donor’s voice. I shook my head to clear it out.

“What…would you really quit the band?”

“Yes, Jonah, I really would.” She planted her hands on her hips. “Are you that shocked? I told you things I haven’t told anyone. I told you everything. How I was unhappy…and scared…”

“You did. And I hoped you’d quit. But I didn’t think you’d move here.”

She flinched at that, and her jaw clenched against the tears in her eyes.

“Dammit.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No? What did you mean?”

We faced off, her waiting for an answer and me trying to quell the chaos that raged in me. The push and pull of wanting her to stay and what lay ahead if she did.

“You hate the desert,” I said finally. “And the heat. And this city.”

“I never said that.”

“I believe your exact words were, I f*cking hate Las Vegas.”

She stared at me, pain etched into every contour of her face. My arguments were stupid and empty and we both knew it. We’d known each other only a few days but we had a connection.

“Look, let me explain,” I said. “I didn’t mean—”

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “It doesn’t matter what I said, or what you said. None of what we ever said to each other means anything. So you’re safe, okay? I won’t distract your work or disrupt your precious schedule anymore.”

“Kace…”

“I didn’t think about moving back here for you,” she said, her voice cracking now. “Let’s just get that clear. I had this crazy idea I’d actually face all the horrible heartache Chett caused me, in the city where he ditched me. Or write about my dad and exorcise that particular f*cking demon with a song. Or ten. Or a hundred. However many it takes until I get it out. I thought I’d try being on my own for the first time in my life. I thought I’d get serious about my music. And I thought, maybe, I’d have a friend I could call and hang out with sometime.” She zipped her bag shut. “But I was wrong.”

“You weren’t wrong,” I said, rubbing my tired eyes.

“No? You have a funny way of showing it.” She took up her duffel and shouldered her purse, still wearing her sleep shorts and a T-shirt. Bare feet at one in the morning, and tears threatening to break.

“Kace,” I said softly. “Where are you going?”

“I’m not staying here,” she said. “I’ll get a cab back to Summerlin. Back…”

The tears spilled over and her shoulders crumpled at the weight of her life that fit entirely in one small duffel.

I moved close to her, took the duffel from her hand and the bag from her shoulder, and let them drop to the floor. I wrapped my arms around her. She stiffened, then melted against me. I held her as she cried against my chest. A full-blown ugly cry, because she knew it was okay to cry like that. With me.

“I’m so scared,” she whispered. “I’m scared of what I want…of going after it and f*cking it all up again. Scared of having to call my parents or Lola…crawling back to them for help because I had the opportunity of a lifetime in the palm of my hand and I threw it away.” She held on to me tighter. “I’m scared that I’m so busy being scared that I’ll never be anything at all.”

I stroked her hair. “You will. You’ll find it. You can be scared and still find it. I know you can. And I don’t want you to think I wouldn’t be happy to have you here in Vegas. I would. I want you to stay but—”

“I don’t expect you to take care of me,” she said. “I just need a friend to tell me I’m not crazy. And I was hoping that friend was you.”

“I can be that friend, but…”

Oh shit, here it is…

My heart pounded and adrenaline raced through my veins.

“I have to tell you something.”

“What?”

My jaw worked and no sound came out. I had nothing planned. No standard speech. I kept people away so I didn’t have to tell them. But now here was Kacey…

She looked up at me. Her eyes were beautiful and shining, and filled with trust I hadn’t earned. I almost told her to forget it. That I was an *, and she’d be better off not speaking to me ever again.

But a part of me—the part that leapt for joy that she might stay—wanted something more with this beautiful, energetic, impulsive woman. My world had been fading to gray until she burst in like a bombshell of color and light, and dammit, I wanted it. I wanted to keep her in my life, even if only as a friend. It had to be only as a friend, and even that felt selfish and wrong. But maybe, said this little voice, I could be honest with her and let her decide for herself.

But not here. Not in my plain, little apartment. I had to take her somewhere beautiful, to show her what I was holding on to and why.

“Are you up for a field trip?”

She nodded slowly. “Okay.”

I breathed a sigh but it gave me no relief. “Get dressed. I want to show you something.”





On the drive to wherever Jonah was taking me, my mind concocted a hundred possibilities for what he was planning to tell me. Something big. Something that warranted this excursion. And judging by the haunted look in his eyes, it wasn’t something good.