Full Tilt (Full Tilt #1)(50)

The Lift was a far cry from the unfussy restaurants we usually hung out in, or the little house Oscar and Dena rented in Belvedere. The Lift had huge, thick pillars of what looked like gold tree bark, rising up from a carpet of swirling purple and violet. Guests drank $12 cocktails at purple tables and chairs, and a solid gold wall backed the bar. It was elegantly gaudy, to my mind, but I needed the distraction.

Or so I told myself. I’d never been dissatisfied with our usual hangouts before, but Kacey Dawson had splashed color and light into my life, and now what had been usual for me now seemed plain and drab. The Lift was anything but plain and drab, but the purple made me think of Kacey. Rubbed her absence in my face.

Who am I kidding? Everything makes me think of Kacey.

“Tell me about the girl,” Oscar said. “I heard from Theo you had a rock star crashing with you. Rapid Confession is on the radio twenty-four seven at work. They’re the big time, man, and you had their guitarist on your couch?”

“Not a big deal. She needed a break from the party scene and now she’s back with her band.”

“But she was with you for four days.” Oscar wagged his eyebrows. “Anything interesting happen during that timeframe you’d like to report?”

I expected Dena to scold her boyfriend for being crass, but her dark-eyed gaze was intent on mine. “Was she good company? Did you enjoy having her there? Tell us everything.”

I knew Dena’s interest was slightly more refined: she studied classical literature and Middle Eastern poetry, and was a true romantic. Still, it was an anomaly I’d let someone else into my circle, and the curiosity flowed off them in waves, battering me from all sides. I took a sip of my fake beer to help quell my irritation. They meant well, but I felt like a kid coming home to report a first crush.

“There’s not much to tell,” I said. “She mostly rested up while I worked at the hot shop or A-1. I went to dinner with the family on Sunday and she hung alone with a pizza.”

“You canceled with us, though, to stay in with her,” Oscar said. He smiled knowingly over his beer. “And Theo said she’s hot.”

“He did?” I took a sip of beer. “That’s…interesting.”

“He did.” Oscar leaned back in his chair. “So you had a beautiful rock star in your apartment for four days. Please tell me you did not let a situation like that end with a hug or a handshake.”

Dena swatted Oscar’s arm. “Will you see her again?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so. She wants to get out of her band contract but it’s not easy to do. If it’s even something she wants to do…”

“Would you like to see her again?”

With everything I am…

“I don’t have much say in it. She’s going to be on tour for months.”

“There are magical devices called phones.” Dena rested the heel of her hand on her chin, eyebrows raised. “You can call her, can you not? Text? Skype?”

“She needs space to figure out what she wants without interference from me,” I said. Oscar started to reply but I cut him off. “Look, I don’t know what’s going to happen next, okay? What I do know is I have a lot of work to do before the gallery opening. So it’s better to not have distractions.”

A short, tense silence fell, followed by the guilt that always assailed me on the rare instances I snapped at anyone. I started to apologize for being shitty company, but Oscar and Dena weren’t my best friends for nothing. Their concern for me was palpable in that noisy, ostentatious bar. Oscar leaned toward me, his expression serious for a change, while Dena slipped her hand across the table into mine.

“Tell us.”

I set my beer glass down, turned it round and round on the purple table. “She had to go,” I said quietly. “They’d ruin her if she broke her contract. She needs to decide what’s best for her, and I couldn’t ask her to stay anyway.”

“Why not?”

I gave them a look. “You know why not. You know why I don’t get involved. I have nothing to offer her but friendship and even that has an expiration date.” I scrubbed my hands through my hair. “It was stupid. The whole thing. Reckless and stupid.”

“What about what you want, Jonah?” Dena asked. “What do you want?”

I looked at my friends who’d been in love with each other for as long as I’d known them. Dena’s search for deeper meanings was the perfect counter-balance to Oscar, who skimmed along life’s surface like a jet-ski. She grounded him, he made her laugh. My gaze strayed to their locked hands, his dark skin against her pale, fingers entwined. I remembered Kacey’s hand in mine at the diner.

It wasn’t enough. I want more…

But I couldn’t have more.

I mustered a smile. “I want to finish my installation, and I want another eight-dollar, nonalcoholic beer.”

Oscar burst out laughing and seemed content to let the matter drop. Dena’s smile fell soft on me the rest of the evening, and I knew she wouldn’t let me off so easily.





Being the perpetual designated driver, I dropped off Oscar and Dena at their house, Southwest of the strip.

“Don’t forget,” Oscar said, clasping my hand and pulling me in for a half-hug before he climbed out. “Great Basin camping trip in three weeks. Make sure you take the time off from work.”