Four Week Fiance 2(32)

“Nothing happened.”

“I know, but I thought . . .” His voice trailed off again and he closed his eyes. “This is a mess.”

“What’s a mess?” I reached over and touched his shoulder.

“Nothing.” His lips twisted. “You’re so special—you know that, right?”

“What’s so special about me?” I joked, but my heart stood still as I waited for him.

“You just don’t even know.” His eyes seemed to darken and he was silent for a few seconds as he stared at me. “Oh, Mila, butterflies envy you.” He reached over and caressed my face.

“Why would butterflies envy me?” I laughed awkwardly. The air seemed to stand still in the room as I waited for his answer.

“The sight of you. The sound of your laugh. The lightest touch of your arm. The smell of your hair. The way your eyes crinkle when you smile. The way you play with your hair when you’re nervous. The way you listen to me. The way you make me feel when I’m with you. The whole world stands still when my eyes catch yours. The whole world stands still and even the butterflies are caught up in your aura.”

“Oh, TJ,” I said, about to say more, but he held a finger to my lips and smiled, a beautiful, handsome, heartwarming smile that made my heart ache. I reached over and pulled him closer to me.

“The sight of you ignites my heart, Mila. The sound of your laugh is music to my ears. Just knowing that I’m next to you, the way that makes me feel, it’s enough to let me know . . .” His voice trailed off again and he looked away from me then.

“Let you know what?” I asked breathlessly.

“I knew I was falling for you when the world stood still,” he said, as if he were talking to himself. He then looked back at me, a confused expression on his face. “When I saw you crying just now, it felt like the world was going to combust and burst into flames. It made me feel things. Think things.” He sighed.

“Is that a good thing?” I asked him softly, hope starting to bubble inside of me.

“I’m still trying to decide.” He looked confused.

“Do you love me?” I asked, my throat immediately freezing as soon as the words were out. How could I have asked him that? I wanted to die as soon as I’d said the words.

“I’m trying not to. I’m really trying not to.” He looked so bleak and I wasn’t sure, but I reached over to him to bring him even closer to me, to comfort him, even though it was my heart that was breaking. All I could think inside was love me, love me, love me, please, love me.

“Don’t fall for me, Mila. Please don’t fall for me,” he said as he kissed my neck and held me close.

I already have. I closed my eyes and held him close, praying that more tears wouldn’t start to fall.





Chapter Seven

TJ


Twenty Years Ago



The whole room was dark as I crawled out of bed. I was thirsty and hungry and I rubbed my eyes as I made my way to my bedroom door. I saw my toy soldiers on the floor next to my bed and picked up two of them to take with me to the kitchen. I walked quietly to the door, as I knew my dad would be upset if he knew I was out of bed. I’d get in trouble and grounded and I wouldn’t be able to play video games, and that would suck.

My hand froze on the doorknob as I turned it and it squeaked. I paused and held my soldiers tightly as I peeked into the corridor. There was no noise and no doors were opening. I was safe.

I crept out of the room and walked softly, avoiding all the loose floorboards that I knew made noise. I made it to the top of the stairs when all of a sudden I heard a noise. I froze, my eyes widening, and I looked behind me to make sure my dad wasn’t coming out. No doors opened, but once again I heard the noise. I tilted my head to the side and listened again. It sounded like a sob. As if someone were crying.

I felt my lower lip wobbling and I wasn’t sure why. I started to head back to my bedroom but then stopped and walked towards the bedroom my mom slept in. My friends thought it was weird that my mom and dad slept in different rooms, but it was all I’d ever known.

I made my way to her bedroom and opened the door slowly. I stared into the room, my eyes adjusting to the darkness and then I saw her, curled up on the bed, her face in her hands and she was sobbing, her hair a mess on her pillow. I stood there, watching her, my heart thudding, my stomach feeling empty and my face turning red with heat. Her sobs seemed to get louder and louder as I stood there and I felt both of my toy soldiers falling to the floor. I bit down on my lower lip, scared that my mom heard the noise, but she didn’t. If anything, her sobs got even louder. As her tears cascaded down her face I watched as her fists hit her pillow as if she were punching it. I didn’t really understand what was going on.

“Mommy?” I said softly, not sure what to do. I wanted to go over and hug her. I wanted to go over and ask her if everything was OK. I wanted her to hold me in her arms and kiss the top of my head like she did every morning before I went to school.

But my feet wouldn’t move. I leaned back into the doorway and started to suck my thumb. My dad would be pissed if he saw me sucking my thumb. He told me boys didn’t suck their thumb. I tried not to, but there were some times when I just couldn’t stop myself. This was one of those times. I wanted to be a big boy, I really did. I was eight, I should be able to stop, but sometimes I just couldn’t.