Four Week Fiance 2(10)

“Like a double date?” I said hesitantly, not sure if that was such a good idea.

“Or just a dinner,” he said smoothly. “Just four friends eating together.”

“Okay,” I said, disappointment swelling in my belly. Friends. That dreaded word that made me come back down to earth again.

“There’s no need for expectations,” he continued. “We can’t make them get together. They aren’t us.”

“So are we together?” I asked, wanting to know exactly what we were to each other. Hope once again filled me. Maybe he really was into me after all.

“Of course we’re together—you’re my fiancée,” he said and I wanted to interrupt him. I wanted to say that that part was a lie and ask what the real truth was between us, but I was scared that he would say that there was nothing real between us. I was scared that he would say that this was it. And I didn’t want to hear that. I couldn’t hear that. It would break me. And right now I wanted to believe that it was more, even if that was just a farce. I didn’t want to know the truth. I didn’t want my bubble to burst already. Not now. Not yet. I wasn’t sure I could go through with all of my plans if I thought he didn’t have any real feelings for me. If I thought that I was just a booty-call to him.

Maybe I could make him fall in love with me. Maybe if I played this role perfectly, he would suddenly realize that he didn’t want this to be an act. My face felt cold as I realized how much of my heart I was putting on the line here. All of a sudden, I felt sick that I was letting myself in for a big fall and it scared the hell out of me.

“Okay, well, we’re pulling up to a music store that Sally wants to go into now,” I said as I looked out of the window at some trees. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Send me photos of the dresses you’re choosing between,” he said softly. “I want to help you choose.”

“You don’t care.” I laughed, my heart racing at the thought of him helping me choose a dress.

“I want to see them before you choose which one you’re going to buy,” he said softly.

“Okay,” I said, though I knew that I wasn’t going to be sending him any photos.

“When do you think you’ll arrive at the store?” he asked again. “I have a meeting in an hour, but it won’t last more than an hour.”

“Oh, I’m not sure,” I said honestly. “It’s some place that Sally knows, but I’ve never been there before.”

“Text me when you arrive,” he said.

“Um, okay,” I said. “I’d better go now. Sally is waiting on me to get out of the car.”

“Okay, text me,” he said and hung up the phone. I placed the phone back into my bag and looked at Sally who was glancing at me with a smile.

“What was that about, Ms. Liar?” Her eyes searched mine for a few seconds before facing the traffic again.

“Why are you calling me a liar?” I asked, my face pink as I stared in front of me.

“You’re not going to send him photos of any of the dresses. And we didn’t pull up to any boutique” She laughed. “He’s going to be sitting there waiting and he’s going to be very disappointed.”

“I don’t think he’ll be disappointed.” I laughed, but all of a sudden all I could think about was that—once again—what he wanted from me came down to something sexual.

“Sure, he will.” She pulled down a one-way street and gave me a quick glance. “Men are visual creatures. He most probably can’t wait to see.”

“Oh well, he’s in for a disappointment,” I said as she pulled up to a store. “I’ll text him and let him know we’ve arrived, but I won’t be sending any pics, that way he’s not waiting and wondering.”

“Oh, Mila.” Sally grinned at me.

“What??”

“Nothing.” She shrugged. “Text him.”

“I’m going to.” I grabbed my phone and started punching in my message, feeling angry and not really sure why. Well, that’s a lie; I knew why I was angry. I was angry that I cared so much. I was angry that the only real interest TJ seemed to show in me was in regards to sex. I was angry that I couldn’t control my feelings of worry and hope that intermingled with the love I felt for him in my heart. Even though we were closer now than we’d ever been in our lives, I felt the most distant from him. I didn’t feel like I was able to be myself with him because I was so scared of letting him in. I was scared that I’d fall in love with him and start to tell myself he was feeling the same way. I was scared that if I started to believe in my dreams and fairy tales, my whole world would come crashing down around me. I turned away from Sally and typed into my phone, suddenly letting my anxiety feed into anger.

Me: I don’t need your help picking a dress.

TJ: I didn’t say you needed my help, came the immediate reply.

Me:Good.

TJ: Send me photos.

Me:No.

TJ: Stop being childish.

Me: Stop acting like my dad.

TJ: Your dad wants to see you in your underwear?

Me: You’re disgusting.

TJ: That’s not what you said last night.

Me: Grow up.

TJ: I thought I was acting too adult.