Found in You(122)

I began walking away. “Go to Japan,” I called over my shoulder. “I don’t want to see you for a while, if not ever. Got it? If you’re at the penthouse when I get home, I’ll find somewhere else to sleep and I don’t mean for just one night.”

He didn’t follow me. I couldn’t decide if that made things better or worse.

Better, probably. Because every part of me was in deep pain. And that kind of ache can only be suffered alone.

***

I rode the subway for a long time. I was lucky to get a seat before the rush hour crowd hit, and I stayed planted there on the E line all the way down to the World Trade Center. After a while, I switched to the A line and eventually ended up at Columbus Circle out of habit. I didn’t go to The Sky Launch though. I wandered over to the Walter Reade Theater at Lincoln Center and caught a foreign film. When it was over, I snuck into the next showing. Still, after having viewed it twice, I had no idea what I’d seen. My head—and heart—were too muddled for the subtitles.

I didn’t get back to The Bowery until after midnight. With my phone broken, I was out of touch. There was no way of knowing what I’d find there. Part of me hoped Hudson ignored me, that he’d be there waiting for me. But then I remembered what Lauren said about being willing to stand behind my conditions. If he was there, I’d have to leave, and as twisted and broken as I feared our relationship was, I wasn’t able to do that.

The penthouse was dark, the place quiet except for the sound of the grandfather clock. It felt so much like the first time I’d come in there in the middle of the night, except then things were new and the trepidation I had was fused with excitement. Now, I felt numb and empty. I knew without looking around that Hudson wasn’t there.

I made it halfway down the hall to the master bedroom when a light flipped on in the guest room.

“Laynie, is that you?”

It took several seconds to recover from the minor heart attack Brian had given me. “Yeah, it’s me.”

My brother came to the guest bedroom doorway wearing a white t-shirt and striped pajama bottoms. “Awesome. Are you okay?”

That was the question of the year. “I guess so.” I slumped against the wall and tilted my head. “What are you doing here?”

“Hudson said he had to go on some business trip, but he didn’t want to leave you alone. So he had some guy pick up my stuff from the Waldorf and moved me in.” He leaned his shoulder on the doorframe. “I hope you don’t mind that I’m here.”

“I’m actually kind of glad.” The words were out of my mouth before I realized I meant them. Having someone else around helped lessen the emptiness. And it warmed me that it had been Hudson who’d arranged it. Even with everything that had gone down I was still on his radar.

Brian crossed his arms over his chest. “Personally, I think he should have canceled his trip.”

“He probably should have. But I told him not to.” I slid down to the floor, too exhausted to stand anymore, but needing to get more information from my brother. “Anything interesting happen after I left?”

Brian moved out of the doorway and sat down on the floor across from me. “Not really. More of the same. Accusations and liquor. You know, a typical family party.”

He said it all tongue-in-cheek, but that was exactly what our family parties had been like growing up. At least, the liquor part. There was always lots of liquor.

“Hudson’s mother’s an alcoholic.” I wasn’t sure Brian had figured that out.

“Yeah, I picked up on that. She has that weird yellow skin thing that Dad had. And she was shaky when I first met her. Does she acknowledge it?”