Forever You're Mine (MINE #4)(52)

Even reading my best friend’s final words.

I opened the envelope to find a green post it note from Nik attached to another envelope.

Cannon,

I hope his words give you peace.

Nikki

I removed the sticky note, revealing my name scrolled across the front in Landon’s handwriting.

The knot in my throat grew tighter, and after a few agonizing moments, I finally unfolded the yellow sheet of paper.

Cannon,

If you’re reading this, it can only mean one thing. You know what they say, only the good die young.

I’ve written this letter at least ten times. I gave it to Nik before our first deployment, but each time I return home, I re-write it. I think it’s because I can never find just the right words to say, but mostly because I can’t say it enough.

You’re my hero, brother.

Not only because you’ve saved my ass more times than I care to mention, but because you gave me something I never would have had the courage to go after myself. You gave me the love of my life. She was yours first, and there was no way I would ever let a woman come between me and you. No matter how badly I wanted her.

But I didn’t have to worry about the woman of my dreams slipping through my fingers because my boy was generous enough to give her to me, and what you gave me can never be repaid.

Because of you, I had the chance to know a love so great that even in death, I know it will live on forever.

Because of you that beautiful woman gave me a son who loves me unconditionally despite my flaws, despite my absence.

Because of you, I’m stronger, braver and more of a man than I ever thought I could be. You have encouraged me, supported me and when necessary, pushed me to do things I never would have done otherwise.

I can only pray you found in me what I had in you, but if you didn’t, please know that I tried in every way to be the friend you needed me to be.

Tell Nik I love her, but please encourage her to love again. Her heart is big enough to do it, but she’ll need your strength to help her move on. Also, teach Christopher what you always taught me. Be a good friend, a good man, and to always, always be brave. I’ll rest easy knowing I have you to look after the hearts I leave behind.

And last, and this is very important. I know you’re going to miss me when I’m gone. Don’t even try to lie and say you won’t. The reason I know this is because it f*cking kills me to think of losing you. We’ve been through a lot. We were baptized together. Rode our first roller coaster together. Drank our first beer together. You’re more than my best friend, you’re my brother. And I need you to promise you won’t grieve for me when I’m gone. I don’t want that. I want you to live and love as hard as you can.

Live for me, Cannon.

We are the hearts that never quit. The souls that never die. I’ll be with you always.

Peace,

Landon

P.S. If the time ever comes and there’s a choice between your life and mine….I call dibs.

Tears rolled hot down my cheeks as my heart pounded and ached in my chest. I’d let him down long enough. It was time to start making amends for the wrongs of my past, and start living for the man who saved my life.

No matter how bad it hurt, I could do it.

I had to.





Everybody’s got their poison,

and mine is sugar.

~Derrick Rose





My heart thundered in my chest when I thought of seeing him again. I needed to tell him what happened. Why I did what I did, but I hadn’t found the courage yet. I should have trusted him. I should have told him the truth. I was desperate to hear his voice, maybe then it would give me the strength to say all the things I needed to say.

He didn’t answer until the fourth ring. “Hello?”

His voice sounded so different, yet the very same. It warmed me in all the familiar places while chilling me to the bone. “Hello?” he said again.

I remained silent, my throat clogged with regret.

“I can hear you breathing, Cora. Either talk or hang up.”

“How’d you know it was me?”

He let go of a long sigh. “I’d know the sounds you make anywhere.”

Tears sprang from my eyes followed by a sob. “I’m so sorry, Cannon.”

Cannon cleared his throat. I could imagine him tugging at the back of his neck, his biceps rippling with tension. “What do you want, Cora?”

“I just needed to hear your voice.”

“Are you f*ckin’ serious right now? What kind of game are you playin’?”

“No games, Cannon. I…I just wanted to say I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry for…for everything.”

“Yeah, well until you tell me what the hell is going on, I don’t wanna hear you’re sorry. I wanna hear the f*ckin’ truth.”

I sniffled, trying to rein in my emotions. I could actually hear my heart crumbling inside my chest. I wasn’t ready to tell him the truth yet.

“I love you, Cannon.”

“Goodbye, Cora.”

Then he was gone.





Men often act knowingly against their interest.

~David Hume





Pacing back and forth, I laced my fingers behind my neck, trying to alleviate the tension mounting there, but it didn’t help. Now what the hell was I supposed to do? I needed to see her, look deep into her eyes and try to figure out what the hell she was hiding from me and why?