Forever You're Mine (MINE #4)(46)
I could hardly breathe and by the time he came hot inside me, his body trembling with mine, I was completely and utterly spent. “I love you,” I whispered softly.
My chest burned with emotion. The intensity of our connection. How far we’d come. How far we were going.
How deep he was inside me.
“I love you too,” he said.
And with his words my world grew brighter than I’d ever known before.
Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
~Carl Jung
Waves lapped the shore, beating the sand softly along the beach. With the sun high in the sky I covered the top of my eyes, searching, hoping to see what my heart told me I would find.
Birds soared across the clear blue sky, brilliant rays of gold beat down on the surface of the water, casting bright light all around me.
This had to be heaven. Or a damn good version of it.
Off in the distance, I saw him.
I ran, my chest pounding with fear and anticipation as I dug my bare feet into the sinking sand. He was walking away. The harder I ran, the faster he walked “Stop!” I yelled, but he continued, not even offering me a second glance.
I ran faster.
Harder.
But no matter how hard or fast I ran, I couldn’t catch up. My feet became lead and my lungs began to burn with exhaustion. “Landon, please stop!” I pleaded, tears burning my throat.
He stopped.
I slowed my pace, falling to my knees in the sand. Landon turned around and slowly walked towards me as I fought to catch my breath. When he was no more than a few yards away, I found enough strength to get to my feet. “What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice echoing from far away.
“Searchin’ for you,”
“Stop.”
“I can’t,” I said, my voice deflated and weak.
His hand landed on my shoulder, offering me a small amount of comfort. The words tried to hide in my throat but I pushed them out with anger. “It should have been me. If I hadn’t been such a coward, you would be with Nikki and Christopher right now, and my God, they need you so much. I regret it every single day. It should have been me. Not you, Landon. Not you.”
“No. This is the way it’s supposed to be. Everything happens for a reason. Never question that.”
“But,”
“Stop trying to change the past. It’s out of your control. All you can do now is make peace with it and move on.”
I hung my head, hot tears streaming down my face. “How?”
His voice echoed inside my ear, the vibration cutting through the scars around my heart. “Live.”
The early morning sun peeked through the blinds, hinting to the early light of day. I rolled to my back, blinking away the foggy webs of sleep and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t fight back the memories of my dream. They were plain as day, the vivid images chipping away at the dark parts of my soul. It was as if he were real. Everything about my dream seemed real.
I rubbed at the center of my chest where the deep ache had been for so long, easing the pressure with every breath I took.
“Ugh…” Cora groaned as she began to stir next to me. Her hair was a tangled mess as she twisted her head to face me.
I smiled, remembering Landon’s words from my dream.
Live.
“Hungover?” I asked, pushing the mess of hair from her beautiful face.
“I’m never drinkin’ liquor again.”
“Famous last words,” I said, scooting closer.
“I’m dead serious. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck and someone taped a cotton ball to the roof of my mouth.”
“I love the way you look in the morning.”
That earned me one of those sweet little morning smiles I missed so much. “Even when I look like ass.”
“Baby, you could never look like ass. Hot as f*ck, yes. Ass, never.”
Her smile grew wider, her eyes sparkling with radiant light. “I like you here. Like this. Waking up with you,” she said and my throat clogged with emotion.
“Me too.”
“No bad dreams,” she noted, snuggling up next to me, her warm fingers grazing my back.
“No bad dreams.”
It was on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to tell her all about the dream, but I didn’t.
I kept it to myself.
At least until I was able to wrap my own head around it.
“What do you want to do today?”
Tucking her head beneath my chin, she purred against my chest. “I could stay right here all day.”
I could stay right here the rest of my life.
Life is very interesting…in the end, some of your greatest pains,
become your greatest strengths.
~Drew Barrymore
My father had never been a part of my life. My mother had always said he was a good looking son of a bitch, but I’d never really believed her until I saw him for myself when he told my mother he was going to stop paying child support once I turned 18. She had dragged me to his office in the city and threatened to tell his wife I existed.
He promised to continue payments for the rest of my life.
I was a planned pregnancy. Winston and I both were. But the men my mother chose to be sperm donors had no idea what they were signing up for. She’d trapped them.