Fisher's Light(68)

I tune her out and try counting backwards from a hundred in my head. Even being a floor above all the guests and workers, I can still hear the hum of their voices and laughter, the clink of glasses and the slamming of doors. My ears start to ring and my head aches with so much pressure that it feels like it might explode. I want peace and quiet… I want Lucy. I need Lucy to wrap her arms around me and whisper in my ear that everything is okay.

I must have muttered Lucy’s name out loud while my mom was droning on about food and decorations because she crosses her arms and glares at me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“You cannot see the bride before the wedding, it’s bad luck,” she informs me.

No, bad luck is not getting the wedding you wanted, the small, intimate gathering of close family and friends on the beach at sunset. Bad luck is this circus going on downstairs with hundreds of people Lucy and I have never met before. My father was against the wedding from day one, but he certainly is playing the part of a proud father of the groom today, inviting everyone he’s ever done business with and kissing ass as soon as they walk in the door. He’s been parading people around “The Estate” all morning, showing off expensive artwork and the like, smiling his fake smile and laughing his fake laugh whenever anyone asks him if he’s excited to become a father-in-law today.

A loud crash sounds from somewhere in the house and I instinctively cover my head and drop to the ground. I hold my breath and wait for the sound of gunfire and explosions to fill the air, but nothing comes. I suddenly feel my mother’s hand on my shoulder and I shake my head to clear it, feeling like a complete idiot.

“Fisher?” she whispers nervously as I push myself up from the floor and take a few deep breaths.

I’m not in the desert, I’m in my parents’ home. Everything is fine, I just need to calm down.

“I’m fine, mom, it’s nothing,” I tell her distractedly as I walk around her and head towards the door. There’s no point in admitting I just had a flashback. I’m pretty sure she realized that as soon as I dropped to the ground and wrapped my arms around my head.

I need Lucy. I don’t care what tradition says, I f*cking need to see her right now or I’m never going to be able to calm down. I need to see that she’s safe and happy and hasn’t changed her mind about marrying into this f*cked-up family.

As soon as I get out in the hallway, I pick up my pace, jogging down the hallway until I come to the staircase leading up to the third floor. I take the steps two at a time, my heart beating faster and my spirits lifting the closer I get to the room Lucy is in. When I get to the top of the stairs, I take off running full speed, my tie flying out behind me as I head towards the opposite side of the house.

I don’t even stop to knock when I get to the closed double doors at the end of the hallway. Grabbing onto both handles, I throw open the doors and step inside the huge room that my mother had set up for Lucy to get ready in. Mirrors line every wall and make-up and hair products clutter the tables, but I only have eyes for the woman standing on the far side of the room in front of a floor-to-ceiling window.

She is the single most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.

I finally stop moving and start breathing again when I see her. The winter sun shines brightly through the window, surrounding her like a halo, and she looks like an angel. She IS an angel. She’s my angel and she keeps me grounded and watches over me, always taking care of me. The last few months have been hard on both of us, but Lucy has never let it show. She doesn’t protest when I want to stay inside the house, away from other people; she just curls up with me on the couch and tells me how much she loves me. She doesn’t get scared or look at me with pity if I have a nightmare and wake her up in the middle of the night; she just wraps me in her arms, talks to me about stuff that happened on the island while I was gone and tells me she missed me.

It’s a strange thing, feeling like you can’t breathe without another person. Physically, I know I’m breathing and my heart is beating when she’s not around, but in my soul, it feels a movie that’s been paused, waiting for someone to come back into the room. When I’m away from her, I feel like my life is on hold and she’s the only one who can restart it.

“Jesus… You are stunning,” I whisper as I take her in from head to toe.

She’s wearing a strapless white dress that hugs every curve of her body and her hair is curled in soft waves all around her face and hangs down her back. I smile, knowing that she was able to win at least one argument with my mother about this wedding. My mother thought she would look best with her hair piled up on top of her head, but Lucy refused, knowing that I love it best when it’s down and natural. Her veil is attached somewhere in her hair and it hangs down her back, trailing on the floor behind her. She grabs onto the fabric of her skirt and sweeps it out of the way as she turns to face me.