Finding Carly (SEAL Team Hawaii #5)(72)

After a moment, Jag nodded slowly. He stood and pulled Carly up beside him. But instead of heading for the bedroom, he pulled her into his arms. She went without hesitation. She snuggled against him and could hear his heart beating under her ear.

“I love you,” Jag whispered into her hair.

“I love you too,” Carly responded.

“And for the record…I want to make love to you. So goddamn much. I just…my feelings about sex are complicated.”

Carly could understand that after hearing about what he’d been through. “We’ll figure out how to make things work together.” She tilted her head up and looked at him. “I love you because of who you are, not because of sex. We can still be intimate without sex.”

He looked skeptical. “You’d stay with me even if I couldn’t make love to you without having a nervous breakdown?”

“Yes.” Her answer was simple and heartfelt.

A look she couldn’t interpret entered his eyes, before his expression became resolute. “I’ll talk to someone. I want to be the man you deserve.”

“You already are,” she told him, grabbing his hand and leading him toward their room.

Jag was worth fighting for, and now that she knew what he’d survived, she was more than determined to win. Bridget fucking Smith would not win. No way. Jag was stronger than that bitch.

Carly was also going to find a way to talk to Baker and get him to track down Jag’s rapist…without telling him what had happened to his friend. It was nobody’s business but theirs. But she wanted the bitch to pay for what she’d done to the man Carly loved.

They crawled back under the covers together, and Carly was suddenly exhausted. She’d run through a gamut of emotions in just the last hour and felt as if she could sleep for days.

Jag pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you.”

They didn’t say anything else, and if Jag’s hold on her was a little tighter than usual, neither of them commented on it.

Carly had been stunned to learn what had happened to her man, but she knew he’d be able to work through it. He was the strongest person she’d ever met, and they loved each other. That would get them through whatever life threw their way.





CHAPTER EIGHTEEN





Jag hadn’t ever wanted Carly to know what had happened to him. He was afraid she’d look at him differently if she knew. But the morning after he’d freaked out and almost lost the best thing that had ever happened to him, Carly wandered into the kitchen, gave him a long, heartfelt hug like she did every morning, and mumbled under her breath about needing coffee.

She hadn’t acted differently toward him. If anything, Jag felt as if they were even closer after his confession.

That morning, he’d called his commander and told him he needed to speak with a psychologist. To his credit, Commander Huttner hadn’t asked why, hadn’t told him to man up or some other bullshit. He’d simply given him some time off to do what he needed to do.

He probably thought Jag was experiencing post-traumatic stress from one of the many missions he’d been on, and he was happy to let him go on thinking that. The military had gotten better about encouraging their members to get therapy when they needed it.

Now it was five days since he’d freaked out on Carly, and Jag had already been to two sessions with the psychologist. It was unbelievable, but he felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders already. Jag was well aware that it would take more than a couple hours to ease his psyche, but the fact that his secret was no longer his to bear alone went a long way toward helping him come to terms with what happened. He should have sought help years ago.

The truth of the matter was, he’d been a kid when he was abused. And his therapist confirmed that Carly was right, his body’s natural reactions didn’t mean he was complicit in what Bridget had done. He was still working on the guilt he felt for not standing up to her sooner, but hopefully, with time, that would pass as well.

His relationship with Carly, however, was more solid as ever. She loved him. Jag couldn’t help but smile when he remembered hearing those words back for the first time. He was afraid of intimacy. Of having sex. But he wanted Carly. He’d need to be in control when they finally made love, and he knew Carly wouldn’t mind.

He’d just finished working out with his team and was sitting in his car in the parking lot at the Naval base, getting ready to drive home to shower and change. When his phone rang, Jag was so startled, he jumped. He shook his head wryly. Some badass SEAL he was. He’d been so lost in his head, he’d totally blanked.

“Jag here,” he said after he clicked on the phone.

“It’s Baker. Your woman called me yesterday. Said she needed a favor.”

Jag was a bit stunned. He hadn’t thought Carly was serious about calling Baker, but obviously she was. “Let me guess…Bridget Smith?”

“Bingo. You want to tell me what this is all about?”

“No,” Jag said. He wasn’t about to get into what had happened. It was hard enough telling Carly and his therapist. He wasn’t at a place yet where he could confess to his teammates or Baker, no matter how close he was to them.

“All right. Just tell me this—does Carly have a good reason for wanting me to ruin this woman’s life?” Baker asked.