Fighting the Flames (Firefighter Romance #1)(40)

He waited, afraid to ask.

“The good news is that I expect you to heal completely, but it will take a while. As I’m sure you realize, you have significant smoke inhalation and are being treated aggressively. You landed on your left side, which resulted in four broken ribs, a broken collar bone, dislocated shoulder and a severe concussion. There was also internal bleeding which resulted in your spleen being removed.”

He said nothing, waiting for her to go on. He felt sure she would add several more broken somethings to the list. When she didn’t, he licked his lips to give them a tiny bit of moisture before managing to ask, “How long?”

“You’ve been here four days.”

Shit. “Home?” he rasped out.

“I plan on keeping you here for at another twenty-four hours, possibly forty-eight. Your incisions from the splenectomy are healing nicely but, now that you’re conscious, I’ll want to monitor you closely for complications from the smoke inhalation as well as the concussion.”

“But…”

“No buts,” Dr. Steadman gave him her best authoritative stare. “You are very lucky to be alive and I plan on keeping you that way.”

****

True to her word, Ryan was in the hospital for the next two days and Jess hardly ever left his side. Because he could barely talk, she just sat near him, holding his hand and spooning warm broth and Jell-O in his mouth.

Once he was transferred from the step-down unit to a regular hospital room, all the guys from the fire hall came to visit. The Jernigan’s came too, all tears and thank yous. Little Jake even brought him a stuffed teddy bear of his own.

“You… very… brave,” Ryan whispered to the boy who was on the bed and curled against his right side.

“When I grow up, I’m gonna be a fireman too,” Jake said, nodding emphatically. “That way I save people like you do.”

“And teddy bears.”

“Yep, ‘specially teddies.”

The next morning he was released and Shane and Jess got him home and into his own bed. It was wonderful, sinking into the familiar pillows and he realized someone had washed his sheets and blankets because they smelled wonderful.

“Thank you.” He was talking better now. Still hoarse but definitely better.

“You’re very welcome. Need anything?”

“Just you.”

Jess smiled and leaned forward to kiss his lips and then curl on the bed next to him. It felt wonderful having her so close. It took a moment for him to realize she was crying.

“Jess, baby, why are you crying?”

She shook her head but didn’t look at him. “I thought I’d lost you, Ryan.”

He kissed the top her head and hushed her, saying, “But you didn’t, I’m right here.”

“The past few days have been such a wake-up call for me.” She sniffed and wiped her nose on the back of her hand. “I realize how stupid I’ve been. How selfish.”

Hope flickered in his chest. “And…” he prompted.

“And, I realized I want you and need you and the risk of being hurt is worth the being… just being with you.”

He closed his eyes, the words a balm to his soul.

“I’m still scared,” she went on. “But I’m going to face the fear… if you’ll still have me.”

Her vulnerability left his shaken but in the very best way. Tears burned behind his eyelids and he quickly blinked them away. He smiled and nodded. “I’ve loved you from the moment I met you. I knew, the first time I touched you, the first time we kissed, I knew you were the woman I was meant to be with.” More tears fell from her eyes and onto his chest. “I want to spend my life with you, Jess. You. No one else.” Her breath hitched on a sob. She lifted her face and he kissed her with a tenderness that surprised him, a tenderness he didn’t know he possessed. “Do you love me, Jess?”

“Yes.”

It took a moment for her answer to register in his mind. After all they’d been through he half expected her to say no. “Say it. I need to hear you say it.”

She rested her forehead on his and closed her eyes. “I love you, Ryan. I love you so much I can’t breathe at times.”

“Then it’s time to stop pushing me away. You’re afraid I’m going to cheat on you… hurt you? Well, I’m terrified I’m going to wake up some morning and you’re going to be long gone again. We just have to trust each other.”


Jess blew out a shaky breath and nodded.

“I know how hard it is for you, but I swear I will never hurt you. Baby, give this a chance. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, just a chance.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered after a moment, her face crumbling into fresh tears.

His heart sank, and he let his head fall to the back onto the pillow. Not again. If she told him she couldn’t trust him, that she wasn’t going to give them a chance, then he was done. He’d have no choice. He couldn’t keep doing this to himself.

“I’m sorry for how much I’ve hurt you, Ryan. You didn’t deserve any of it.”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “What do you want, Jess? If you tell me you want me out of your life for good, then I’ll go, and you’ll never hear—”