Fighting Redemption(78)

“You didn’t tell me when you were leaving.”

“I thought it was best. I didn’t want you upset. Since Jake …” He swallowed, his throat tight. “There’s been so many tears. I hate seeing you upset, and I hate that I can’t do anything about it. I’m so far away and I don’t know what to do.”

“Ryan,” she breathed.

He closed his eyes, wanting her in his arms, so much that he said, “I miss you,” with a tremble in his voice. “Are you okay? I mean … healthy? You and the baby?”

“We’re fine. It’s scary and lonely, but it’s exciting, Ryan, and amazing feeling a life growing inside you. It’s so hard to explain.”

Pain ripped through his chest. Fin was his f*cking heart and he’d left her scared and alone. “I’m glad you’re both okay,” he choked out, tears burning his eyes.

“Don’t be upset. Be happy, please? You’re going to be a daddy, Ryan.”

“I’m going to be a daddy,” he repeated, the words yet to sink in.

Fin chuckled softly and his grip tightened on the phone at the sound. “Hang on,” she told him. He heard her say something softly to Kyle before coming back on the phone. “Sorry.”

“I should go.”

“Ryan … I need to know you’re okay.”

“This isn’t about me right now. You need to think of yourself, and our baby.”

“I worry about you.”

Hearing the fear in her voice was killing him. “You don’t need to be doing that, okay? Just … keep in touch. Tell me how you’re doing, how our baby is doing. Be safe.”

“You too, Ryan.”

Hanging up the phone, Ryan slid down the wall, buried his head in his hands and cried.





A light tap came at the door. Ryan looked up, blinking hard. Monty stood in the doorway, freshly showered and rubbing a towel over the back of his head. Ryan grimaced. He needed a shower himself. After a hard day’s training he was covered in dirt and dried sweat.

“You okay?” Monty asked, brows furrowed.

Ryan swiped a hand across his face, and it came away with a layer of grime. “I don’t know.”

Monty tossed the towel in the direction of the desk as he walked into the room. Taking a seat across from where Ryan sat on the floor, Monty rested his elbows on his knees and looked at him. “What’s going on?”

“Fin’s having a baby.” He couldn’t stop the smile that began to spread wide across his face. “I’m going to be a dad.”

Monty’s eyes lit up as he sprang out of the chair. Grabbing Ryan’s hand, he launched him upwards and into a brief, hard hug. “Shit, mate. Congrats.” The smile still on his lips, Monty pulled back and tilted his head in question. “I didn’t realise that you two were … uh …”

“Hell.” Ryan ran fingers through his hair as he started to pace. “We weren’t. It wasn’t planned. She was supposed to be taking on a four year research program in Sydney, but now she’s not.” He stopped and looked Monty in the eye. “I f*cked that up for her.”

Monty grabbed Ryan’s bicep when he resumed pacing, and Ryan stilled. “How the f*ck do you figure that?”

“Ever since we were little I’ve always protected her. I wanted the best for her. I made sure that nothing, namely me, stood in the way of that, and look how good a job I did of that!”

Monty jabbed his finger towards the chair. “Sit down.”

His stomach in knots, Ryan instinctively followed Monty’s order and sat.

Monty stood in front of him, looking down. “I think you’re lying to yourself.”

“What?”

“You heard me.”

Ryan’s breathing quickened as he sat back in the chair. “Lying about what?”

“About being scared,” he replied.

“Scared?” Ryan growled, his nostrils flaring dangerously. First it was he couldn’t forgive himself for Kassidy and now he was scared? Who else was going to take their turn at psychoanalysing him today?

“We’re a team. You know that. We all know that. There’s nothing we don’t know about how each other operates. Our lives depend on that knowledge, on being able to interpret each other’s emotions at a glance. I can see it, Kendall. Just admit it to yourself and maybe you can get over it and move on.”

“That’s bullshit, Monty. You know—”

“I know you need to man the f*ck up, Kendall!” Monty shouted, pointing his finger at him in sharp, angry jabs. “Stop being so f*cking scared about not being good enough for her. Who the hell did this goddamn number on you anyway?”

Ryan stood up, right in Monty’s face. “I killed my sister!” He dragged in a deep breath, his chest heaving with emotion. “I killed her.”

Monty flinched.

“It was my fault. Kassidy was only five years old when she ran out on the road and got hit by a car. I was supposed to be watching out for her. Fin is so much like her. So much that I want her to have what was taken from my little sister. I want her to have every opportunity. Why is that so damn wrong?” he yelled.

“Because you’re not thinking about what she wants.”