Fighting Redemption(77)

“Umm … so I’m not going to ask what you thought was in there,” she replied.

Her phone rang from where it sat on the bench in the kitchen, and Kyle removed his hands, yanking her top down haphazardly. He stood up. “I’ll get it for you.”

Pressing the answer button for her, he held it out. She answered absentmindedly as Kyle flopped back down on the couch beside her.

“Fin?”

The air left her lungs in a whoosh. “Ryan?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

Fin burst into tears at the deep, familiar voice. How did she think she could ever get past loving Ryan? Hearing his voice had the entire world fading out, as though nothing existed but him.

The phone was taken from her as tears ran down her face. The more she tried to control them, the faster they fell. She could hear Kyle murmuring softly while his other hand began rubbing her back in warm, soothing circles. Sniffling quietly, she heard Kyle say that maybe Ryan should ring back.

“No!” she blurted out and snatched the phone from Kyle before Ryan could hang up.

Looking at her, he mouthed, “Should I go?”

Fin shook her head. “Stay,” she mouthed back. She had no idea how Ryan would react to her news, and she was scared of being alone right now. Getting up, Fin left Kyle on the couch and went outside. With the phone clutched to her ear, Fin rested her elbows on the railing of the deck and looked up at the stars.





“Sorry. I’m here.”

Ryan leaned against the wall as he rubbed at his brow. He hated hearing her upset and being unable to do anything about it. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she replied, sounding anything but. “How are you?”

He wanted to tell her he wasn’t doing so great, that he missed her more than anything. She was the only one he could talk to, the only one who knew him like no one else and still loved him anyway. “Doing okay.” He cleared his throat. “So, I thought you would’ve left by now. When do you go?”

There was a pause. “I’m not.”

“Not what?”

“Not going.”

“Dammit, Fin,” he ground out, his body tense with anger. He’d walked away from her so she could have this opportunity. Ryan tried to rein in his anger. She wasn’t supposed to be pissing it away. “Not going is not an option.”

“Stop,” she whispered. “Don’t be angry. There’s just … something you need to know.”

“What? What in hell could be so damn important for you to give up everything you’ve ever worked for? Tell me because right now I just don’t understand.”

“I’m pregnant.”

Ryan’s heart raced in the deafening silence. “You … you’re having my baby?”

“Yes.”

His anger deflated, rapidly replaced with shock. “You … I’m …”

There was more silence on the other end as he processed the words and realised what they meant. Moving to the other side of the country for a four year research program was hard enough. Doing it alone and pregnant was impossible. How could he have managed in one brief moment to do the one thing he’d tried to avoid from the moment they met?

“I f*cked up,” he growled, furious with himself. “Baby,” he whispered thickly. Turning around, he pressed his forehead against the wall as agony tore him in two. “You’ve had to give up your future because I couldn’t keep my f*cking hands off you!”

“No!” she cried out. “Don’t. Please. Our whole lives you’ve pushed aside your own feelings to always do what you thought was best for me. You think that if you can give me the future Kassidy never had, then maybe you can forgive yourself for what happened, but it doesn’t work that way. You keep forgetting about yourself. You have to stop doing that, Ryan. Stop fighting what’s in your heart. Maybe if you do, you’ll realise there’s nothing to forgive.”

“There’s everything to forgive! Don’t you see? I keep letting down the people I love. Somehow I keep doing it and I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how …” Dragging in a breath, he banged his forehead against the wall.

“Ryan,” Fin said, her voice thick with tears. “You haven’t let me down. You haven’t let anyone down. This baby, our baby, it’s not the future that was planned, but I want this so much. I know it’s a shock, believe me I know, but you’re going to be a daddy in three months and—”

“Three months?” he cut her off. Doing the calculations in his head, he said, “That means your six months pregnant, Fin.”

“I know,” she replied and he could hear the smile in her voice.

“When did you find out?”

“The day you left,” she said softly.

The realisation hit him like a punch to the gut. “You were coming to tell me, weren’t you?”

“Yes. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone, or have you hear it through someone else. Ryan ...” She exhaled deeply. “I’m going to be having this baby before you’re home, so telling you this way, there was no other choice.”

“I waited for you,” he whispered, remembering the need to see her one last time before he left. “I kept looking for you until the moment I stepped on the plane.”