Fighting Fate (Fighting #7)(98)
“Make what harder? I thought we had a good talk the other night, but ever since, you’ve been MIA.”
I jerk my arm free, and he steps away to give me some space, but I don’t miss the fact that he steps in front of the door, most likely to block my escape. “Don’t treat me like some stupid groupie.”
“Groupie—?”
“Did you tell Fleur about our talk?”
He drops his gaze and rubs the back of his neck. “Yes.”
“Does she know you’ve been calling and texting me?”
He peers up at me. “She knows.”
“So…” I study the walls that feel like they’re shrinking around us. “Your girlfriend is fine with you chasing me down.”
His face registers confusion for a few beats, and then his eyes widen and he laughs. “Ax, you think…wow.” He shakes his head, grinning. “That’s been your issue? Fleur is not my girlfriend.”
What? “Since when?”
“Since ever.” He moves in closer. “You need to stop believing everything you read.”
“What about what I’ve seen, huh? Are you trying to tell me all the kisses and photos of you two cuddled up are fake? I’ve seen you guys kiss. Many times.” The memory makes me nauseated.
“We’ve kissed, sure, but she’s French. That’s what they do.”
I cross my arms at my chest. “So you’re telling me the two of you have never hooked up?”
He recoils, but stands his ground.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
He looks genuinely apologetic. “I had one moment of weakness.”
“A moment of weakness?” God, since when did he become a womanizing pig?
Anger flashes in his eyes. “She knew exactly what she was doing, and I explained—”
“Oh, God.” I cover my ears. “I don’t want to hear about all your European sexcapades.”
“Yeah? Why not?” His jaw ticks. “We’re just friends, right? Or hell, maybe we’re not even that anymore, so why does hearing about me and Fleur upset you?”
“Because this isn’t the Killian I know. I lost my best friend one year ago; he left and didn’t even say good-bye. And now you’re back, but you aren’t you, Kill.” A lump forms in my throat, and I turn away from him to organize bottles of oil and creams.
“Ax, it is me.” He pushes up behind me, his hands braced on either side of my hips, his lips at my ear. “I’m right here. You say I’ve changed. I won’t deny that. But I’m better, right? I never felt worthy of you, never felt like the kind of man you could be proud of, one who could take care of you.” His nose runs the length of my neck and I shiver. “I’m that man now.”
“I liked—no, I loved the old you.” My thoughts spiral as he brushes his lips against my earlobe. “I missed him for an entire year, and I’m afraid I lost him forever.”
“No.” He pulls at the tender skin of my neck with his lips. “I’m here.” His mouth, lips, teeth, and stubble continue their delicious torture, and I lose all my strength and lean back into his chest. “I tried so hard to forget you, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to want you, but you’re in my blood. I can’t shake you.”
“Why didn’t you call?”
“I thought I was giving you what you wanted. You were pregnant, and I knew you had shit to figure out. I walked away, hoping I could forget you, but I couldn’t.” He nuzzles my throat. “You were my first, Axelle.”
I blink my eyes open, stilling at his words. “But not your last…”
He drops his forehead to my shoulder. “No.”
I turn around and face him head on, needing to see his face, and I regret it the second I see the shame and embarrassment in his eyes. “I haven’t been with anyone since you, Killian.”
“Fuck.” He exhales hard, steps back, and runs a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know.”
“I think we just have to accept what is.” I wipe under my eye, forcing tears back where they belong. “We had our shot; it didn’t work.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t do that. Don’t push me away. We can have that again, make it just like it was before.”
“Sometimes you just have to accept the fact that things have changed. I have a great job, I’m saving to get my own place, and I’m paying my own insurance and chipping in with the bills at home. It feels… Kill, it feels so good. I’m standing on my own for the first time in my life.”
“I want a chance to know who you are now. I want to know everything about you. I want to be the one you lean on again.”
“That’s the problem, don’t you see?” I pound my chest with my fist. “I’m not the girl who needs fixing anymore. There’s no more messes for you to clean up. What we had wasn’t fair to you—you taking care of me and me secretly loving you but so damn scared that if I made one wrong move you’d leave and I’d be forced to take care of myself.”
“Watch it, Axelle.” His expression turns deadly. “Don’t say it again.”
“Huh?”
“That’s the second time you’ve said you love me, and if you say it again, I’ll take you”—he motions to the massage table with a quick jerk of his head—“right there. Right now.”