Feels Like Summertime(48)

Pop looks out the kitchen window. “The rain is slowing down. Why don’t you two take a walk?”

I look at Laura. She shifts uncomfortably on her feet and shrugs her shoulders. “Sounds good to me.”

“Yeah, okay,” I say. I walk to the door and Laura follows me. She stops and puts her shoes back on.

We walk in silence side by side. “Where’s the baby?” I ask. I didn’t even think of her child when she got here. What kind of husband does that make me? The kind that didn’t father her child, apparently.

“Oh, she’s with Freddy,” Laura says. She looks down at her watch. “He should be here in about an hour. I hope that’s okay. I needed someone to pick me up.”

I stumble over my own toe. “Fred’s coming here?”

She nods. “Is that all right?”

Hell no, it’s not all right. “Sure. Whatever.”

She stops and turns to face me. “I’m sorry, Jake. I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” I look everywhere but at her.

“I should have told you. I should have given you some warning. But…I couldn’t. I tried so many times. But I didn’t want to hurt you. There was a tiny little part of me that hoped desperately that the baby would be yours.”

“You should have warned me.”

She stares up at me and I finally allow myself to look into her eyes. “To be honest, there was also a part of me that hoped the baby wasn’t yours.” She sucks in a breath. “Through the years, my feelings for you changed.”

I nod. I can’t think of a single word to say.

“I thought a baby would fix everything, but then we had such a hard time getting pregnant, and with all the babies we lost…” Tears fill her eyes and she doesn’t try to stop them. “We stopped loving one another. And all I had left was the idea of a happy family. I wanted one desperately. Each child we lost made me want it more.”

I swallow hard. “Why would you turn to Fred, of all people?”

“I met Freddy before I met you,” she says. “Do you remember that night?”

I nod.

“He was sweet and charming and quiet, and he seemed so steady. And then I saw you. And you eclipsed the sun, Jake. You were vibrant and outgoing, and you were so strong. I thought what I wanted was strength. But it’s not. You didn’t just eclipse the sun. You eclipsed me. I could never keep up with you. You wanted action and I wanted to sleep. You wanted movement and I wanted silence. You couldn’t sit still and I couldn’t take enough breaks.”

“I resented the hell out of you then,” I admit.

She sighs. “You probably still do.”

I nod and an ironic chuckle escapes my lips. “I have lately, that’s for sure.”

“I should have told you how I felt.”

“But Fred, of all people? How did that happen?”

She shrugs. “He dropped by one night when you were gone. You might have even been here.” She stops and looks toward the water. “This was where you always wanted to be.” She clears her throat. “Anyway, he came to bring back something he’d borrowed from you, I don’t even remember what it was, and he stayed and talked to me. And before I knew it, we’d finished off two bottles of wine and we’d— Well, we’d betrayed you. We woke up the next day wrapped up in blankets and regrets.”

“Did you at least change the sheets?” I ask sarcastically.

She lets my comment slide. “Freddy was furious with himself. He couldn’t believe he’d let it happen. You were his best friend, and he was beside himself with worry. He wanted to tell you right away, but I wouldn’t let him.”

I start walking toward the water again, because I don’t want to hear about Fred’s guilt. I just don’t.

I step onto the dock and walk to the end. She follows me. I finally turn to face her.

“Hate me. Don’t hate him,” she says. “I take all the blame.”

I reach up and push a lock of blond hair behind her ear. “I think I’ve done quite enough hating the both of you. I think I’m ready to be finished with that.”

“Can you forgive us?”

I nod and shove my hands into my pockets. “Yeah, I can.”

“I was so worried I’d come here and find you still angry at me. And at Freddy.”

“Are you together now?”

She nods. “Yeah, we are. We’re trying it out. Seeing where it goes.”

“Well, you do have a baby together.” I try out a laugh, but it falls flat like a dead fish on the dock.

“There’s that.” She laughs too. Another dead fish.

“Does your baby still have all that red hair?”

She laughs again and a real smile lights up her face. “She does. I try to put little barrettes in it, but she just pulls them out. It’s not meant to be tamed, apparently.”

I nod and stare over the quiet water. Now that the storm has passed, the air hangs heavy with dampness and the water is completely still.

“Our lease is almost up at our apartment,” she says. “I thought I might start to pack things up.”

“I can come and help you.”

She lays her fingertips briefly on my arm. “That’s okay. I can do it. I’ll ship your things.”