Fatal Reckoning (Fatal #14)(44)

“Why did I know you were going to say that?” His fingers sifted through her hair in a soothing rhythm.

“If I’m truly gone and you find someone who makes you happy, I suppose it would be okay with me if you married her, but you can’t be as happy with her as you were with me. That’s my line in the sand.”

His gorgeous hazel eyes danced with amusement. “I suppose that’s fair enough. Now, tell me what you would do.”

“I would never remarry.”

“Even if you found someone who made you happy again?”

“Even then.”

“Why?”

“Because I’d want to be Samantha Cappuano for the rest of my life.”

“Aw, babe, that’s very sweet of you.”

“So maybe I would live in sin, but I wouldn’t get married again.”

With his hands on her face, he kissed her. “No matter what happens, I’d want you to do whatever it took to be happy. I don’t care what that entails. Just be happy, Samantha.”

“I could never, ever, ever be truly happy again without you.”

“Yes, you could.”

“No, I really couldn’t, so please don’t let anything happen to you.”

“I’m not going anywhere without you, but in light of what we do for a living and the crazy-ass world we live in, I think it’s important that we have this conversation.”

“Maybe so, but I hope you’re not expecting me to sleep tonight as I contemplate the horror of life without you.”

“Sounds like I need to make sure you’re completely exhausted by your very much alive husband so you’ll get the sleep you need.” He rolled her under him and kissed her more intently.

She responded to him the way she always did, body and soul, but as he removed her pajamas and made love to her, the morbid conversation and the feelings of dread stayed with her long after they reached a highly satisfying conclusion. Sam fell into restless sleep plagued by worst-case scenarios.





      CHAPTER THIRTEEN


AS PLANNED, FREDDIE picked her up at six thirty the next morning, and they stopped to pick up his car where they’d left it the day before in Adams Morgan. Sam was grouchy and out of sorts after a rough night of disturbing dreams—or rather, nightmares. Because if any of them ever came to fruition, they would be her worst nightmare come true. She understood why Nick had wanted to talk about what they would do if the worst possible thing happened, but the dreadful topic had left a pit in her gut that she rubbed anxiously as she settled into her office and fired up her computer.

Somehow she was managing to survive losing her dad. Despite what she’d said to Nick last night, she’d never survive losing him. Life as she knew it would be over without him. She’d give up everything but Scotty. Aubrey and Alden would have to go somewhere where they could be properly loved, because she wouldn’t have it in her.

“Stop.” She said the word out loud, hoping her spinning mind would hear and take heed.

Dr. Trulo came into her office. “What are we stopping?”

“My disturbing thoughts.”

“Why are you having disturbing thoughts? Other than the obvious, of course.”

She waved him all the way in and gestured for him to close the door. “Last night, Nick wanted to talk about what we’d do if the worst thing happened to either of us.”

“Oh.” Trulo took a seat in her visitor’s chair. “I take it that left you feeling anxious.”

“That’s one word for how it left me feeling.”

“It’s a tough topic, but one that should be addressed in a marriage, especially one as high profile as yours.”

“I suppose.”

“It’s unthinkable, right?”

“Completely.”

“Last week, it was unthinkable that you could lose your father, and here we are. Somehow life goes on.”

“Not if Nick dies, it doesn’t.”

“Yes, it will. Whether you want it to or not.”

Sam put her hands over her ears and shook her head.

Trulo chuckled. “If there’s a cost to having great love in our lives, it’s the fear of losing it.”

“Leave it to you to sum it up in one sentence.”

“Why, thank you. That’s my job. Nick is showing you how much he loves you by making sure you’d be okay if the worst thing should happen. I’m sure that’s his only concern.”

“It is. And vice versa, as long as he’s not too happy with my replacement.”

Trulo laughed hard at that. “Which I’m sure you mentioned.”

“Duh.”

“I know it’s hard when you’ve allowed yourself to entertain a worst-case scenario, but you should put it out of your mind. You had the conversation. Now you need to convince yourself that it was just a conversation. It hasn’t actually happened, and there’s no reason to believe it will.”

“Working on that.” She offered a wan smile. “This helps, thanks. I assume you didn’t come down to talk about my doomsday prophecy.”

“I didn’t, but I’m always glad to help you. I hope you know that.”

“I do, and I appreciate it.”