FADING (A novel)(18)

“The scans shouldn’t take that long, but your friend will have to stay here.”

I look up at Jase before looking back at Julia, and ask, “He can’t come with me?”

Shaking her head gently, she says, “No, I’m sorry.”

Jase assures me that it will be okay, and all I can do is trust him. But I’m scared to be alone, even if it is for a little while. Feeling like I have lost control is making me very upset, when Dr. Langston returns to tell me they are ready to take me back.

?????

When I am wheeled back into the exam room, both Julia and Jase are there waiting for me.

“You okay?” Jase asks as he comes to stand next to me.

“Yeah.”

Julia picks up the white box and opens it, pulling out several white envelopes and lays them down on one of the stainless steel carts that are in the room. “We are going to start by collecting your clothes, okay?”

“Okay.”

She walks to the private bathroom, and when she comes out she says, “Candace, I need for you to carefully remove all of your clothing, including your jewelry. I have laid down a large sheet of paper that is there to collect any evidence that may fall off of your clothes or body. Just stand on the paper while you undress, hand me each article of clothing as you remove it, and I will place each piece in a separate evidence bag. There is a hospital gown hanging on the door that you can change into.”

“Do you want me to leave?” Jase asks.

I grab onto his arm tightly, “No. I don’t want to be alone.”

Jase nods and helps me off of the bed. I clutch onto the wool blanket that is still covering me, and I walk into the bathroom. I hand the blanket to Julia and step onto the paper that is lying on the floor. I look down at my body and start to cry. My shirt and bra are ripped and hanging off my shoulders. I quickly notice that I am bare from the waist down.

I jerk around and frantically ask, “What happened to my pants?”

“The EMTs collected them. We already have them.”

I nod and look up at Jase as my body trembles.

“It’s okay,” he reassures me.

I slowly remove my tattered clothing and hand each piece to the nurse. The paper beneath my feet crumples with every movement as if it’s taunting me as a continuous reminder of the misery I feel. The last item I remove is my necklace, and I watch as it is placed inside a ziplock evidence bag. When I turn to pick up the hospital gown, I catch my reflection in the mirror. My body freezes as I observe the face staring back at me.

My left eye is bruised and swollen and the whole side of my face is scratched and covered in dried blood and dirt. My eyes are bloodshot and puffy from all the crying. I hardly recognize myself. I turn away from my image in the reflection, slip on the hospital gown, and step off of the paper.

I walk straight into Jase’s arms, and I let him hold me for a while as I hear Julia moving around the room. Jase rests his chin on the top of my head and runs his hands up and down my back. My arms are clutched tightly around his waist as I bury my face in his chest.

“Candace,” I hear Julia say softly, “whenever you are ready, I need you to have a seat on the exam table behind the curtain.”

I slowly pull away from Jase and lean the top of my head against him as I stare down at my bare feet. I realize I have no clothes here, and I look up at Jase and say, “I don’t have anything to wear.”


“When the nurse called me, she told me to bring clothes with me. They are in my backpack,” he says.

I walk across the room and sit on the exam table, never letting go of Jase’s hand. I go into a haze when the nurse begins to explain each procedure. I just nod my head as I feel cold metal digging under my finger nails; I don’t watch anything in particular because I don’t want to see what’s happening. Everything feels like it’s miles away from me. She begins swabbing my neck, my ears, my mouth, my breasts, my thighs.

When I lie back on the table, she begins to take samples. My body is being poked and prodded—everywhere. Turning my head, I begin to zone in on a tiny piece of thread that is beginning to unravel from Jase’s shirt. I focus in on the tiny little holes that the thread used to occupy that are now hollowed.

I suddenly become very cold. My knees begin to quiver, and my heart is pounding. I look down and over my knees. I see Julia’s lips moving as she is talking to me, but I can’t seem to focus in on her voice. I watch as she opens yet another white envelope and pulls out a small black plastic comb. Jerking my feet out of the stir-ups, I clumsily shuffle myself back on the table and sit up. Pure panic. That is all I can feel. Panic.

“Enough!” I shout. I feel like I am losing control of myself, and I desperately want everything around me to stop. “Get out!” I yell at Julia as she looks at me in shock. I can almost taste the venom in my voice. “Stop touching me, and get the hell out!”

“Candace. Calm down, sweetie,” Jase says. His eyes are wide, and I can tell he is freaked out.

“I’ll be right outside,” the nurse says, and she quickly places the sealed envelopes in the box and leaves the room.

I draw my knees up to my chest. “I want to go home.”

“What happened?”

“I want my clothes, Jase,” I say as I look him straight on.

He doesn’t say a word; he simply walks over to his backpack that is lying on the ground next to the chair. When he picks it up, I see the door crack open.