Existence(55)

Existence

you home since you have no mental cracks. I mean, you don’t even scream at night. Then, of course, he sings to you. Kind of impresses me really. He’d scare the shit out of me if he came in my room. You may not be a screw ball but the fact you’re not scared of him makes you someone I don’t want to piss off.”

I froze, listening to her words. She knew Dank came to me at night and sang to me. How did she know? Did she see him? Did she see souls? Was that my problem? Was I Schizo? She cackled her mad laughter and winked at me.

“You’re thinking you might just be whack after all, aren’t you, Peggy Ann? You wish you were this f*cked up. No dice though, girlie. No f*ckin’ dice,” she whispered leaning toward me so the nurses wouldn’t hear her cursing and take away anymore of her privileges.

“What’re you carrying on about? Did you take your meds today, Gee, ‘cause you’re talking off your head worse than normal,” Jess said, frowning before shoveling black eyed peas into her mouth. Gee didn’t take her eyes off me. She almost had a glimmer in her eyes as she watched me, enjoying the confusion I knew was clear on my face.

“Only the ones he has come for can see him, Peggy Ann.

You know that right? Only the ones whose time is near. I know why he’s here.” She tilted her head side to side and stared at me closely. “But he doesn’t sing to me. No, he doesn’t sing to me.”

Jess sighed loudly and glared at Gee. “If you don’t shut up talking like a psychopath I’m calling Nurse Karen over here to drug your ass,” she grumbled.

“Who is he?” I asked Gee quietly, afraid she truly didn’t know.

A sad smile touched her red lips and she shook her head.

“Ah, so he isn’t coming for you then. So very odd. You see him and he is with you so much yet he hasn’t come for you.

He is the only one who can tell you.” Gee stood up, leaving her tray untouched on the table, and walked away.



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Jess stared at me and shook her head sadly. “She’s hiding her meds under her tongue again and spitting them out in the toilet. I’m going to have to tell someone before she gets any crazier. I’m guessing if she goes too long without her meds she could do something fatal.” Jess took a bite of meatloaf, stood up, and went over to Nurse Ashley.

Tonight I was resolved to ask him again but the fear that it would drive him away scared me more than the words from my psychotic friend.





* * * *

I packed the last pair of jeans into my suitcase and zipped it up. The drawers were empty and the closet no longer held any of my things. I walked over to the small, round table and took the cards Leif and Miranda had sent me. Reading them each morning had given me a reason to smile. I slipped them into the pocket of my overnight bag and sat down on my bed.

I had been given permission to come to my room as early as I wanted. The rules of seclusion no longer applied to me and I’d needed to pack. The small room wasn’t much bigger than my mom’s walk-in closet but it was going to be hard to walk away from in the morning. Just like at home, this bedroom had held Dank. It would hold the memories of him.

Nurse Ashley was walking the halls, ringing her bell for the lights out announcement. I stood up and pulled back the covers on my bed and slipped inside before reaching over and turning out the lamp. Tonight he would come and I would talk to him. I wouldn’t have to worry he would leave me and not return because I was leaving in the morning. I wanted to know why Gee knew who he was or if she thought he was someone else. Was he the same ‘he’ the little red-headed girl at the hospital had spoken of? The ‘he’ she had said was coming to take her soon.

Dank had been the one to take the couple from the car fire at their death. Is that what he did? Was he the soul who 167



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went and retrieved other souls when they died? I closed my eyes and waited. I thought of the different things I’d seen and what Gee and the little girl had said. It all pointed to Dank being a guardian of some kind. Maybe an angel. I turned back and forth, waiting for the music. Waiting for Dank to come and sing to me.

He never came.

The morning sun cast a glow across the pale yellow room as I stood with my bags, glancing around to see if I’d missed anything. I was leaving without answers. My thoughts went back to Gee. I slipped my overnight bag up higher on my shoulder and headed downstairs to find her. I wanted to talk to her one last time before I left. To tell her goodbye and to ask her once more if she could explain to me who it was she thought she heard in my room. The Great Room was empty and the sounds of chatter drifted from the dining hall, where everyone was eating breakfast. Gee would be there. I sat my bags down beside the door and went to say my final goodbyes.

The moment I walked into the busy dining room I glanced over to the far table. Jess sat alone at the end, staring down at her plate as she shoveled food into her mouth. I glanced back at the serving line and the nurses had finished serving the patients. Everyone was sitting down at their tables to eat. Nurse Karen peered up and nodded toward me with a sad smile on her face. I walked over to Jess and sat down across from her.

“She’s gone,” Jess said as she shoveled another bite of cheese grits into her mouth.

“Gee’s gone? What do you mean?” I asked, confused. I had just seen her before I’d gone up to bed last night, sitting with a group of other girls playing a card game.