Erasing Faith(100)
It was dark outside the cabin windows and I was exhausted, but my mind refused to drift into sleep. I fought against my eyes, which wanted nothing more than to droop closed for the next eight to ten hours, instead watching the shadows flicker across Wes’ features and listening to the worries that were bouncing around the inside of my skull like loose ping pong balls.
“What happens after this is over?” I blurted, the words coming out of my mouth before I could stop them. I instantly wanted to kick my own ass for dredging up future conflicts instead of simply being content in the moment.
Wes raised his eyebrows. “What do you mean, Red?”
I swallowed. “When they catch Istvan… When Szekely is no longer a threat… I mean, we aren’t going to be in this cabin forever. The future… Well, it’s not just going to be an eternity of bubble baths and endless sexual gymnastics.”
“That’s a damn shame.” His fingertips skimmed my jawline and his voice was husky. “I really like the sexual gymnastics.”
I smiled weakly, my mind still reeling with worries. His playful words did nothing to soothe me.
“Red.”
“Mhmm,” I murmured distractedly, not making eye contact.
“Red.”
“Mmm.” My eyes were still locked stubbornly on his chin.
“Faith.”
I tilted my head to look at him, anxious thoughts plain to see in my eyes. “What?” I whispered, my voice a little bit broken.
He sighed, but there was a smile twisting his lips. “Do you remember that thing I happened to mention yesterday? Maybe you missed it.”
I shrugged. “What thing?”
“The thing where I told you I loved you.”
“Oh.” My cheeks reddened slightly. “That thing. Yep, I remember.”
“Good.” His grin widened, but there was a touch of sadness in his eyes. “I was lost before you found me. And then, after you’d finally helped me find myself, I lost you for three years. That’s not happening ever again. I’m done with losing each other.”
The determination in his voice made me smile.
“But you have to decide if that’s what you want, too,” he added softly.
I opened my mouth to reply but he cut me off.
“I love you,” he whispered, his words vehement. “Too much to lie to you or offer you false hopes for the future. If you stay with me…” His voice cracked and he cleared his throat roughly. “I can’t promise you the things you deserve. That perfect life with a picket fence in a safe suburb, where you bake casseroles for dinner and we go to a neighborhood potluck every month. I can’t tell you where we’ll live or what we’ll do. The life I’ve led… I have enemies. I might never be able to settle down in one place. My future won’t be luxurious or comfortable.” He took a deep breath and I could see, beneath the calm, that he was struggling deeply with this. “I can’t give you normal, Faith. Not like another man could.”
I thought about it for a long moment, looking into his eyes, before I finally spoke.
“The perfect life… That’s a funny concept, you know? Because perfection isn’t constant; it’s changeable. Personal. It depends on your own definition.” I smiled softly. “So, maybe some women’s idea of perfect is that life you just described. Safe and secure, with a spacious house, marble countertops, and a social calendar full of backyard barbecues. Maybe being nothing more than normal is the key to life’s great happiness.” I tilted my head and scrunched up my nose. “But I never said I wanted normal.”
His eyes lit up.
“I don’t want an ordinary life with someone else,” I said simply. “I want an extraordinary life with you. Whatever that means, wherever that takes us…” I leaned my forehead against his and spoke the words across his lips. “I love you. That’s my idea of perfection.”
His eyes flashed and then his mouth was on mine, hard and hot. He clutched my body against him as his kiss consumed me. With each brush of his lips, he staked his claim. I was his, and he wasn’t ever letting me go; of that there was no doubt. Not anymore.
His hands were rough as he pulled me fully on top of him, our mouths still fused together. With one swift jerk of his hips, he was inside me — filling me, completing me. I gasped as I adjusted to the sudden intrusion, my hair falling forward around our faces in a curtain. His hands gripped my hips, so tight they were nearly bruising, and his eyes burned into mine, mere inches away, so bright with love it made my heart squeeze.
Rocking into me, his slow pace killing me in gradual, ecstatic thrusts, he obliterated my anxieties about whatever future might lie ahead for us. I felt my worries fade as my mind blanked and, suddenly, I was capable only of thoughts about this exact fraction of time, when we were connected and everything else ceased to matter.
***
I woke up slowly.
It was barely dawn and shafts of faint morning light were just starting to filter through the curtains. My eyes opened and landed on Wes, still asleep by my side. I watched the steady rise and fall of his back as he breathed, each inhale expanding his chest and lending the illusion of movement to the swirling tattoos on his back.
Propping myself up on my elbows, I leaned in and examined the markings up close. I felt my eyes go wide when I saw part of the pattern gleamed in darker, fresher ink than the rest. He’d added to the design since I last saw it.