Eleanor & Grey(42)

If my eyes would’ve been focused on the road…

Stop it, I told myself.

My brain always wandered on its own to the worst day of my life. I had no control over my own thoughts.

I removed Karla’s headphones, then sat at the foot of her bed, and placed the headphones against my ears. She listened to the same thing every single night, which meant I listened to it every night, too.

I closed my eyes as the recording played.

“I love you, my beautiful Karla,” the audio said in Nicole’s voice repeatedly.

I love you, my beautiful Karla, I love you, my beautiful Karla, I love you, my beautiful Karla…

My wife’s voice echoed on the most beautiful loop. I fiddled with my fingers and lowered my head as I listened to her words.

When it all became too much, I’d place the headphones back on Karla’s ears, kiss her forehead, and head to my own bedroom.

I sat in my darkened room, with no sound except the ticking clock on the wall. Time was moving, and my mind was working against me.

The words kept playing in my mind as I shut my eyes tight and lay down to try to sleep. Though, sleep never came easy.

I hated closing my eyes, because whenever I did, I saw Nicole’s face.

Nightmares had nothing on a cold reality. My current days were hard, but my memories were where I suffered the most.

“Grey…” Her breathy voice spoke my way.

I turned to my right, and Nicole’s forehead lay on the exploded airbag. Her eyes were struck with fear and panic.

I shook my head, shooting my eyes open. I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to shake the real-life nightmare from my mind. There wasn’t a day I didn’t blame myself for not checking on my wife more closely in that car. There wasn’t a day that passed where I didn’t remember every single mistake that I made that night.

So, I headed to my home office that evening. I knew sleep wasn’t going to find me any time soon, so I’d keep working and working to try to drown out the heaviness that was my own soul.

Around one in the morning my phone dinged.

Landon: Go to sleep, buddy.

I tried my best to listen to his request that night, but still, like all the nights that came before, I failed.





26





Eleanor





“Hi, Eleanor, welcome back to the Easts’ property,” Allison greeted as I walked up to join her on the front porch of Greyson’s home. She had been put in charge of giving me a tour and going over all the details of the job with me. We met up on a Saturday afternoon because she thought it would be easier to show me around while the girls were at their grandparents’ house. She wanted me to not be overwhelmed by meeting the girls and touring the property all at once.

I felt like she was trying to give me a calmness before the storm.

Allison was everything every woman dreamed of being—at least she was what I dreamed of becoming. She was beautiful in an effortless way and looked like a CEO as opposed to an assistant to a CEO. It was almost as if she’d been born to lead. She walked into all spaces as if she owned them and never had her chin down, moving as if she wore an invisible crown.

Her confidence was beyond impressive. Plus, on top of all that, she was nice.

I wouldn’t have blamed her if she wasn’t nice—she had everything else going for her. She reminded me of Shay in a lot of ways: strong.

“So, you’ll have your own set of keys to come and go throughout the house. In the foyer, you’ll see the keys to the car needed to help get the kids to school. Thank you for getting me all the paperwork I asked you for. We’re in the process of adding you to the insurance plan,” Allison told me as we walked into the house. “Lorelai is allergic to shellfish, and Karla wouldn’t touch a vegetable even if her life depended on it. Mondays are always spaghetti for dinner, no matter what. That’s an important one. No penne, not lasagna, just spaghetti. Trust me, it matters. Otherwise, you can get as creative as you’d like for meal plans.

“There’s a no-sugar policy that is in place for weekdays, but when they go to their grandparents’ on the weekend, it’s a free-for-all. Come Monday morning when it’s time to wake the girls, you can blame Claire if the kids are in a sugar coma. Over here is Lorelai’s room, and across the way is Karla’s. Down the hall to the left is the spare bedroom where you’ll stay if Greyson is working late or out of town. And over here…” She clicked and clacked in her heels as she powerwalked through the home, and I tried my best to keep up with her. She showed me the kitchen, the second bathroom, the dining room, the family room, the living room—not to be confused with the family room—and a million other places while tossing other details my way.

The more she spoke, the more overwhelmed I became. Shuffling through my purse, I quickly pulled out my cell phone, opened my notes app, and started typing frantically, trying to absorb all of the information being thrown at me. Allison glanced over her shoulder and smiled.

“I’m guessing I should’ve told you I have a binder with all of this information included. Don’t worry, I’m just going over the basics. This is the kind of job where things kind of fall into place the more you do it.”

“For sure. It’s just a lot, that’s all.”

“The Easts are a lot, especially lately. I want you to know that this is a big job. Nannying alone is hard, but nannying for this family is even tougher. It comes with its own challenges. I want to make sure you’re up for the long days and sometimes longer nights.”