Eleanor & Grey(45)

She used to run, too.

She used to run, and bake, and smile.

She used to laugh, and dance, and love out loud.

She used to be everything to me.

And she was gone because of me.

On the nights when it was too much, like it was that evening, I allowed myself to crack. I fell apart when no one was looking, because it was easier to be broken when no one was around to feel bad for you.

I didn’t want people’s pity.

I didn’t want their sincere apologies.

I didn’t want their words of encouragement.

I just wanted my wife back.

So, that Saturday night, I walked to Karla’s room, ignored the Do Not Enter sign on her closet door, and I opened it, which opened a world to everything that was Nicole.

Covering the walls were dozens and dozens of photographs of Nicole with the girls and me. There were a million moments frozen in time, pictures that captured their smiles, their laughs, our happiness.

Karla had set a chair in her closet and hung fairy lights throughout the space. On the floor were articles of Nicole’s clothing, and I could tell my daughter had sat in the space not too long ago, because they were freshly sprayed with her mother’s favorite perfume.

I shut off the main light source in the bedroom so only the fairy lights shone above me. Then, I sat down on the chair and picked up a black hoodie. Nicole had worn it to bed when she was too cold, which had seemed to always be the case. I remembered pushing her cold feet away from me almost every single night before giving in and allowing her to freeze me.

I pulled the hoodie to my face and took a deep breath as I shut my eyes.

“Grey…” Her breathy voice spoke my way.

I squeezed it in my hands as if I were somehow holding on to her.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” I hadn’t known why those were the words to leave my lips, but they were all that had come to mind.

I held the garment as if she was somehow still there with me.

She shook her head. “No. The girls.”

My hands were turning red from how hard I was gripping on to that hoodie, but I couldn’t let go.

I was holding on to a ghost, a memory, a story of my past.

And then I fell apart.

When it all became too much, when my thoughts overpowered me, I left Karla’s room and went to pour myself a glass of whiskey.

I stood in front of the fireplace, watching the flames as I sipped the brown liquor.

I tried to shake Nicole from my mind, but when I did my girls entered my head, and that made me sadder. It reminded me of what my mistake did to their lives. Thinking about them reminded me of how I changed their world forever.

So I thought about Eleanor Gable.

The girl who stared at me for too long, and really liked uncomfortable situations.

Those thoughts weren’t as heavy as all my others.

So, I let them stay.





28





Eleanor





If you had told me five years earlier that my next employer would be Greyson East, I would’ve called you a liar. Heck, if you told me that a week earlier, I would’ve laughed so hard in your face that tears would’ve rolled down my cheeks. But, there I was, standing in Greyson East’s dining room, meeting his children for the first time ever.

Claire was a saint to me that Monday morning. She came over bright and early, ready to teach me the ins and outs of her granddaughters.

“I can’t thank you enough for helping me out,” I told Claire as she set the table for breakfast. “It means the world to me.”

“Oh, darling, it’s no big deal, and after all the nannies that had come before you, I feel like this is tradition. I’m just hoping you last a bit longer than the others did, that’s for sure. You know what they say—seventh time’s a charm!”

I laughed. “I don’t think people really say that.”

“Well, they should. Seven is a lucky number. So, let’s meet the girls!” Claire then turned and hollered toward the back rooms. “GIRLS! BREAKFAST!”

Well, at least Claire seemed down-to-earth in an oversized house with too many rooms and not enough people.

“I swear, these girls are going to try to bully you into letting them sleep in. Don’t be afraid to pull them by their pigtails,” Claire said when no girls appeared. “Wait right here. I’ll be back.”

As she hurried off in the direction of the girls’ bedrooms, I took a deep breath.

Man, I was nervous. I’d never been nervous meeting my employer’s children, but this felt a bit different. I felt oddly unprepared.

“Grandma, I just don’t get why I have to go to school every week,” a little voice moaned and groaned as the speaker stomped her way toward the dining room. As she turned the corner, she looked up to me. “Who are you?” she asked before plopping down in front of her cereal bowl. Lorelai was dressed in mismatched pajamas. She was wearing the most vibrantly colored stripes and polka dots, and she had bright scrunchies in her hair. On her back were huge butterfly wings. She looked like an old-school Rainbow Brite ad.

“That is your new nanny,” Claire explained. “Say hello, Lorelai.”

“Hello, Lorelai,” the little girl mocked, making me smile.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Eleanor, but you can call me Ellie if you’d like.”