Eleanor & Grey(27)
I was, though.
As I cried, a hand touched my shoulder. I looked to my right and saw Mom standing there. She was skinny, fatigued, and sick, but she was still there.
She’s still here.
She wiped my tears with one finger and sighed. “Oh, baby…”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m okay.” I tried to promise her that I was fine, wiping my eyes. “You go rest.”
She didn’t listen, though. She climbed into bed with me and wrapped her arms around me. That made me cry even more because she was in pain and hurting yet still wanted to comfort me. It blew my mind how a mother could be the strongest person in a room, even at her weakest.
We moved the third week of November, after my parents figured out all the details for me transferring to a new school. Dad booked first-class tickets to Florida, even though Mom said it wasn’t worth it. It was as if Dad felt helpless so he was doing anything he could to try to make Mom a little more comfortable.
I was able to sit next to her on the flight, and the whole time I held her hand. She fell asleep pretty easily, and I was happy about that. Every time she’d awaken, she looked for my hand, and it was still in hers.
“Still here, Mom,” I’d whisper as she went back to sleep.
I’m still here.
13
Greyson
FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected]
DATE: November 23, 4:54 PM
SUBJECT: Timing
Ellie, You’ve been gone for a week, and it feels so weird without you here.
I’m a jerk, and I handled things really badly. I’m sorry. In my head, I just thought we could at least try to make it work. I haven’t felt like this about anyone before, and I just hate that you’re gone. I didn’t know caring about someone could happen so fast, and I’m just not sure I know how to shut off the caring. My life has been lonely for a while now. I thought lonely was the default option, though being lonely was normal. Even though I’ve always been surrounded by people, it’s as if no one really knew me. And then came you.
I didn’t mean to storm off and slam my door like that. Sometimes my head just gets so clouded I’m not sure how to handle my own thoughts.
I’m really going to miss you, and I’m not used to feeling this way.
I know that’s selfish, and I know you’re going through so much worse, and I know it’s stupid for me to even be this sad about it when your life just flipped upside down, but it hurts.
Hopefully you can forgive me and we can be friends.
-Grey
FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected]
DATE: November 24, 8:00 AM
SUBJECT: Re: Timing
Grey, You’d have to be crazy to think I wouldn’t still want to be your friend.
-Ellie
FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected]
DATE: December 2, 8:54 PM
SUBJECT: Father figures
My father’s such a freaking tool.
He’s hammering down on me to start interning at his company, but I just want to finish my senior year without that extra stress.
He called me a pussy for not having any drive.
I never want to be like him. I never want to be that cold.
I hate him…at least that’s what I tell myself, because that makes it easier. Truth is, I kind of still want his approval. It doesn’t make sense, right? He’s never around, and when he is he’s an asshole. He hardly knows me, and what he does know he doesn’t approve of. Still, I have this deeply rooted need to make him proud.
Being human is weird.
I’d much rather be an alien.
How are things in Florida?
-Grey
FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected]
DATE: December 2, 9:30PM
SUBJECT: Re: Father figures
I’m sorry about your dad, that’s tough, but you gotta do whatever makes you happy in this moment—that’s what your grandpa would’ve said, right?
Things down here are fine. It’s been quiet, but it still feels loud. Mom is doing okay, but Dad is struggling. It’s like he’s screaming in silence, and his echoes are bouncing off the walls. I hate it. I can only take so much, which led to my next life choice: I’m going to pick up some new hobbies, just to keep me out of the house.
I hate being home now, which is weird because it used to be my favorite place in the world. It’s just too sad.
I’m thinking of taking a crocheting class downtown with Mom, if she’s feeling strong enough to do it. I figured it might be nice to do something she’s into.
Did you know she learned to make cardigans from my grandma? That’s where all of my cardigans came from. The dragonfly was the last one she gave me. It’s my favorite one.
I’m also thinking of taking karate, because I just watched Enter the Dragon, and now I’m pretty sure I have to learn how to break a piece of wood with my foot.
Do you think alien teenagers get annoyed with their alien moms and dads?
I really want to imagine angst-filled adolescent aliens rolling their one eye at their overprotective parents.
Can you imagine the fights?