Defenseless (Salvation, #5)(39)

He waits, weighing my words for what feels like forever.

“Say something.” I beg.

He doesn’t say a word. He lets me go.

“Mark.” I wait until he looks back up. “I was a glorified maid. I cooked, cleaned, washed their damn clothes, and listened to every word they said. I didn’t have a voice in that house, because that’s how it was meant to be.”

There’s never been a time in my life I would take back, but looking at his face makes me wish. I would go back, shoot them all in the head, and walk away tossing a match behind me. The disappointment in his eyes hurts more than I can comprehend. He’s the first man I’ve let anywhere close to my heart since my father.

I scoot closer to him, take his hand in mine, and wait for him to say anything. “Do you know why they’re after us?”

“No.” I shake my head. “The men I was around were militants. They didn’t have any kind of power. They just carried out orders. My mission was to gain access to Mazir, because he calls the shots. Mazir wants you guys dead. Or just Jackson . . . I don’t know.”

He releases my hand, cups my face searching for something in my eyes. “And what’s in this for you?”

If I tell him this, I’ll be entrusting him. He’ll know more than any other human alive. No one but me knows what’s in that file. My father kept it from everyone, except me. There’s a reason, I just don’t know what he was trying to tell me. “My father was investigating him before he was killed,” is all I can get out. “I’m sorry, Mark. I’m sorry I didn’t stop them. I’m sorry I hurt you, but I couldn’t tell you.”

His bright green eyes shimmer. His features soften and give me hope. “You kept Aaron alive. You got him home, and Jackson’s a tough motherf*cker. He lived. You know what I kept thinking when he showed me all of that?”

I shake my head.

“That this was it. That I would lose whatever this was. I can’t stop thinking about you. The minute I saw you, I knew I had to have you. I was so mad that I was going to lose you.”

“That’s crazy,” I say as I wipe my eyes.

“So are we. I’m crazy about you, Charlie. I can’t explain it. It’s ridiculous, because half the time I don’t even like you.”

I laugh and so does he.

Tenderly, Mark takes my head between his palms. His thumb wipes a lingering tear. “I understand doing a job that sometimes causes you to question your morals. I don’t like it. I don’t appreciate knowing my friends were hurt and you were a part of it, but I get it. I want us to try.”

I let go of my training. I let the wall crumble and become ash. My heart is what I’m listening to this time, and my heart wants Mark Dixon.

“I want that too, but this won’t be easy.”

“Nothing worth anything is ever easy.”

He leans in and places his lips to mine ever so gently. I melt into him. This time will be different. I’m giving myself to him. A part of me will be vulnerable to Mark, and as much as it scares me, it also gives me hope. This is something no other man will have ever had. I can only pray he understands how much I’m offering.





Mark’s lips press against mine. We move together, both of us releasing all that just happened. My heart feels light, free, and optimistic. I know if I let go completely, I’ll fall in love with him.

His tongue and mine collide, and all the tenderness is gone. It’s the way I need him. It’s the way we are . . . a battle. He pulls his lips away, and the feel of his rough fingertips against my lips enables my mind to float. His hand slides slowly downward. I savor his touch. I pull his mouth back to mine—it’s a needed distraction from how good this feels. His other hand grips my hair and he pulls my head to the side. The bite of pain from my scalp only turns me on.

“I’m going to drive you to the brink,” he warns. His lips brush against my ear lobe before he pulls it in his mouth. Then his tongue glides across my neck to my shoulder. He repeats the motion, but this time kisses and sucks along the way.

My legs move. They need the friction. “Mark . . .” I moan his name as his teeth scrape against my shoulder. He bites down, and my back bows off the bed. “Oh, my God!”

“I want to hear you, Charlie.” Mark demands as his hand squeezes my breast. “I want to hear every f*cking sound you try to hold back.” He pulls my top and bra lower and then runs his tongue around my breast. “You and I, we’re fire, baby. And I’m about to burn you to the ground.”

I don’t have words. All I feel is heat from his mouth. He sucks, squeezes, and massages my breast before he moves to the other. I’m bound by my own shirt. His lips never leave my skin as I liquefy beneath him. Every cell in my body is screaming his name. I’ve felt passion. I’ve had unbelievable sex. But this . . . this is something else. This is life. This is air. This is heaven, and I never want to go back to Earth.

“Take me,” I beg. I actually beg.

“Not yet.” He moves lower, pushing my shirt up. I help him by removing it.

The desire to touch him overwhelms me. I want to lose myself in him as well. “I want to feel your skin.”

“We’re partners, beautiful. Everything about this time is equal.”

I don’t know how to do equal. I’ve always been in charge, but I suspect the same is true for him. We’re both in uncharted territory. It’s a new country. A new language for both of us.