Defenseless (Salvation, #5)(38)
“You lied to me—again. I can’t f*cking handle it. Because here I am, thinking you’re going to start treating me the way I treat you. That you respect me even half an inch, but no, you leave shit out with your half-truths.”
I twist and turn to get him off me. “What did I lie about?”
“Tell me about the mission in Afghanistan.” He holds me so I can’t move.
“What makes you think I’ll tell you anything right now? You tied me up!”
“Because you’re a liar! You lie,” he says through gritted teeth. He leans in and traces his tongue down my throat. “You lie to me. And now to think this . . .” He shakes his head and lets his words trail off as he pulls my shirt to expose my breast. The warmth of his lips just barely touches me. I try to rub my legs together. It feels so good. “Do you like that? Do you like when I lick your skin? You enjoy my tongue tasting you, baby? Tell me,” he says before he swipes his lips against my nipple. “How loud do you think I can get you to scream?”
His blonde hair falls in his eyes and shields his gaze from me as he sucks my breast. One arm holds mine as he tortures me.
“Stop! Not like this,” I cry out. This isn’t how it was supposed to go.
I have no idea what he knows, but it’s bad. Right now, there’s a good chance this is the end of everything between us. My stomach drops at the idea of whatever Jackson may have told him.
His eyes latch back on mine. “This is your last chance. No lies. Is there anything I need to know?”
“I need you to untie me.” Tears form in my eyes and before one can drop, he releases his hand from my arms and undoes the belt.
“Fuck!” he yells, and pulls me against him. “Damn it! Don’t cry. I would never.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried to do the same to you,” I admit. “We need to trust each other if we’re ever going to work together.”
“Charlie, look at me,” he implores. “I never want to hurt you. Clearly, I have feelings for you.” I move my hands to my chest. Now that he doesn’t have complete control, I can breathe.
He runs his hands through his hair. I see the regret in his eyes. “Why wouldn’t you just ask me what he told me?” Anger seeps through his words.
Is his short-term memory broken? I only went to the means I did because he wouldn’t talk. “I did ask you. I asked what you talked about. And this is what I do! I get information. I don’t ask questions because people are never honest. So I did what I know.”
Mark looks away with shame. “I needed some time to get my head in the right place. I planned to talk to you on the plane, but I can’t think straight when I look at you.”
I can understand that. He has the same effect on me.
“What did Jackson say?” I need to bring this conversation back to our issue.
His eyes bore into me. “He has photos of you.”
“Me?”
He nods. “Around the time of Aaron’s IED explosion. You were on the road. Then again when Jackson was shot. There’s surveillance photos of you in the village.” Mark leans back and pulls me upright. “Please tell me there’s some logical explanation for this. Tell me you didn’t have me and my friends injured. Tell me!”
“I was there, but I wasn’t a part of it.” The words taste like poison. I’ve done awful things. Things I would never wish on others, but I never hurt any of them.
“I need more than that, Charlie.”
Seeing Mark right now . . . breaks me. His smile is gone. The affection he had in even the simplest gaze isn’t present. And I realize how much they mean to me. How he makes me feel. He makes me want to be a better woman. Mark accepts me for the faults I have, he doesn’t try to fix me. He just lets me be. They all deserve the truth, but when he hears it, this might come the end, and I have to be okay with that.
“My mission was to infiltrate. I was ordered to get Mazir’s location, any pertinent information, and get home. We thought it would take six months, tops. It turned into two years. It was bad, Mark. I forgot who I was—until I saw what was happening to Aaron. As much as I might have been responsible for finding him, it was the other way around. I was lost. Sometimes I think I’m still lost.” I look away with tears in my eyes. Crying isn’t something I do around anyone. I don’t allow myself that weakness.
Mark tilts my face toward him as a drop falls down my cheek. “Don’t hide that you’re human from me.”
His words stun me, and then another tear falls. This time for the words I’m about to say and the man I never had but I’m about to lose. “I was there, Mark! I knew they were going to set that bomb. I knew they were going after a team of men to get their weapons. I knew! I knew and I couldn’t stop them. I knew and I couldn’t blow my cover, so it happened.” Tears fall like rain for the first time in years. I don’t care that he sees it. It’s not an act. It’s true emotion. “But all I wanted were my answers. I needed to know how to get to my father’s killer.”
“You knew?”
I wipe my eyes and draw in a deep breath. “I was basically their housewife. My job was to live in the shadows. So I heard them talk about the Americans coming. How they needed to be handled. At first, I thought they meant me.”