Crazy Stupid Love (Crazy Love #1)(48)

“The floor is yours.” The crooked smile that pulls up one side of his mouth makes it damn near impossible for me to not crumble right here on the spot, but I refuse to let him distract me.

“First, do not ever walk away from me like that again. Ever. I get that there is a lot I don’t know or understand about the relationship with your brother, but that gives you no right to take it out on me. Relationships are about being there for the other person. Friendships, marriages, that’s all they are. What kind of relationship is this if at every turn you are shutting me out?”

I pause, gauging his reaction which remains unreadable.

“Second, you don’t get to decide for me. If I choose to be with you, and I accept the risks that choice entails, then who are you to tell me otherwise? You decide for you, not me. If you don’t want this...” I gesture between the two of us. “If you don’t want me, then at least have the courage to say that and not try to play some martyr who is sacrificing himself for the girl.”

“Look, I knew what I was getting into when I met you,” I continue. “You never lied to me about what this is, or about what I should expect from this. And I haven’t pushed you for more. You told me what you were capable of, and I accepted that knowing it probably wouldn’t last. But now...” Emotion clogs my throat. “Now things have changed.” I take a deep inhale and let it out slowly. “I no longer accept the original terms. I want more, Decklan, so much more. And if you tell me right now that you don’t, at least I can walk away knowing I put myself out there and fought for what I wanted. But not saying anything at all would leave me with a life overflowing with regret, and I can’t live that way. I know this is unfair, and I shouldn’t demand things from you that you aren’t capable of giving me, but that doesn’t make me want them any less.”

“Kimber.” My name is weak on his lips.

“Please let me finish. I need to get this out before I lose my nerve.” I stop him, meeting his deep gray gaze.

He gives me a brief nod, making no attempt to say more.

“I’ve never met anyone like you before. You’re challenging, stubborn, and infuriating but also the most incredible person I have ever known. You have these moments where I swear you let me see you, really see you, for the man you are and not the man you let everyone believe you to be. I know you carry around a lot of pain and guilt. I may not know why, but it’s clear to anyone who actually takes the time to pay attention that it’s there. And I know that it’s eating you alive, and if you don’t find a way to deal with whatever it is, it will eventually consume you and then that man, the man I have come love, will surely disappear.”

I see the surprise on his face, the way his eyes narrow in on mine at my words.

“I’m in love with you, Decklan. I don’t how it happened or when, but I can’t fight it. I love you, and I want to be with you. And not just a casual hookup, I want us to be together; really together. I want to help you with whatever it is you’re fighting. I want you to know you’re not alone and that you have someone on your side.” I take a hesitant step towards him and then another, closing the gap between us to just a couple of feet.

“I’m sorry if this is not what you want to hear. And I’m sorry to just show up and lay all this on you at once. But I love you, Decklan, and I won’t apologize for that. But I also understand if you don’t feel the same, and if that’s the case I will walk away and never bother you again. You have my word.” I fight back the thickness that forms at the base of my throat at the thought. “I want you, Decklan. I choose you. Baggage and all.”

“And what do I get?” His features remain tight as he finally speaks, but there is a hint of playfulness to his tone.

“Me,” I get out weakly on a shrug.

I don’t have time to say more before Decklan is stalking towards me, his lips crashing down on mine silencing what I planned to say next. Those words, along with all other coherent thoughts, simply float into nothingness as Decklan’s mouth works skillfully against mine, kissing me so deeply and with so much hunger that it takes everything I have not to cower under his clear need for me.

“I’m sorry.” He breathes against my lips, letting his towel fall away as he backs me towards the large circular support beam that stands in the center of the room.

“I don’t deserve you.” He pulls back to slide my shirt over my head, his eyes heatedly taking in my bare torso. “Fuck me.” He dips his face, his lips finding the sensitive flesh just below my ear as his hands work effortlessly to free me of my pants.

Only moments pass before I feel the cool stone of the beam against my back as Decklan lifts me, pinning me between it and him.

“I want to feel you bare.” He groans, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth.

“Then do it,” I challenge, pulling back to meet his heated gaze.

I’ve never had sex without a condom before and the thought of feeling Decklan inside of me with no barrier is too much for me to resist. I’ve been on birth control since I was seventeen so I know we’ll be okay, even if I was put on it for regulating my periods rather than to prevent pregnancy.

“What?” He hits me with surprised eyes.

“I’m on birth control.” I place my hands on both sides of his face and pull his lips back to mine, feeling him smile against my mouth.