Crazy Stupid Love (Crazy Love #1)(46)

“Did something happen with Kimber?” he asks.

For some reason his question sends anger rushing through me, seeming to pull me from my haze.

“Why would Kimber have anything to do with this?” I spit, my hard gaze focused directly on Gavin.

“Because my mom said you stopped by and picked up the key to the gallery; I just assumed you were taking her there.”

“I did,” I admit, not offering up any more information.

Truth is I am still trying to sort through what happened myself, my mind still tainted by the traces of last night’s whiskey.

“And what happened?” He pushes for more.

“Nothing f*cking happened. I took her to the gallery, I came home.”

“And proceeded to drown yourself with almost an entire bottle of whiskey?” he questions, narrowing his gaze at me. “Why don’t you tell me what really happened and stop acting like a *?”

“Fuck you, Gavin. I don’t have time for this bullshit.” I turn, sliding behind the bar to get a glass of water, my throat feeling like I spent last night drinking battery acid.

Taking a long drink, the cold crisp liquid seems to clear my head slightly, and I go in for another drink before I finally speak again, my gaze turned downward instead of at Gavin.

“We ran into Trey.” I take another long drink before depositing the empty glass into the sink. “I think that about sums it up.” I finally turn towards Gavin whose features have relaxed; understanding clear on his face.

“And what did big brother have to say this time?” He leans back, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“The usual.” I know I don’t need to give him any more detail. He already knows the sort of shit Trey spews at me every time he has the misfortune of seeing me. “Only this time I took a shot at him. I think he will reconsider next time he wants to shoot off that f*cking mouth of his.”

“You hit him?” Gavin seems surprised, knowing how much shit I have taken from Trey in the past and not once having put my hands on him before.

As much as I loathe Trey and everything he claims to stand for, at the end of the day he’s still my brother and the only one I have left. As good as it felt to finally just lay his ass out, it felt equally as bad.

“He was running his f*cking mouth in front of Kimber. I don’t need her being drug into my bullshit. Besides, it’s my business. He has no right spewing that shit in front of whoever the f*ck he feels like.”

“So did you tell her then? I mean, she must have had some questions.”

“Fuck no.” I shake my head adamantly. “Why would I?”

“Well she is your girlfriend, isn’t she? Isn’t that the kind of thing you share with someone you’re dating?”

“We’re not f*cking dating.” My tone goes hard. “Besides, after last night, I doubt she’ll ever want to see me again.”

“Why is that?” He arches an eyebrow at me.

“Because I told her to stay away from me and then proceeded to leave her stranded a good thirty-minute walk from her dorm.” My stomach twists tightly at the thought of her walking that distance by herself after dark, probably confused as hell.

“What? Why the f*ck would you do that?” Gavin pushes against the bar.

“Because it’s what I needed to do.”

“What the f*ck does that mean?” he spits, clearly pissed off at me though I’m not entirely sure why.

“I’m not good for her Gavin. She deserves better than what I can give her.” The truth rips from my throat and seems to settle over us like a heavy weighted fog.

“Why do you do that? Why do you let Trey get into your f*cking head and convince you that you aren’t deserving of happiness?” He finally speaks after several long moments of silence.

“Because I don’t deserve to be happy. Don’t you get that? I f*cking ruin everything.”

“You choose to ruin everything. No one is standing in your f*cking way but you. Fuck, Deck. Get your f*cking head out of your ass and look around. That girl is changing you, in ways even I didn’t think possible. And now, just like you always do, you’re going to f*ck that up too and then spend the next however many years blaming your past on why you can’t be happy now. Conner is dead, Decklan, you’re not,” he spits, pushing out of his stool.

“Don’t you f*cking talk about Conner,” I warn, pointing my finger in his direction.

“What are you going to do about it, Deck? Punch me, too? Bring it on. If that’s what you need to do to f*cking move past this shit, then do it. You think we all didn’t lose something in that accident? Everyone loved Conner, you know that. And he wouldn’t want this for you, you know that, too. He died and you lived, don’t f*cking waste that.”

“Careful,” I warn, feeling the control of my anger starting to slip.

“Fuck you,” he snarls. “I’m your f*cking best friend, Deck, hell I’m your brother. It’s my duty to tell you when you’re being a f*cking prick, and right now you’re really starting to grate on me. I get that you’re hurting and that shit has been rough for you, I’ve been there through it all. Remember? But that doesn’t mean I am going to just sit back and watch you self-destruct over your own damn bullheadedness. You have a chance to be happy, dude, to build a life. Why are you so hell bent on f*cking that up?”