Crazy Stupid Love (Crazy Love #1)(47)
“I think you’re putting too much stock into one girl,” I object, though deep down even I can’t deny the hold that one girl has on me.
“Am I?” He cocks his head to the side. “In the past few weeks, I have seen you act and do things I never thought you would. For the first time since Conner’s death, I’ve seen you happy, and I mean f*cking happy, Deck. Don’t shit on that.”
“What now, you’re a f*cking expert on happiness?” I let out a gruff laugh, somewhat amused by the thought.
“No, but I am an expert on your pansy ass.” He smiles, the tension in the air all but vanishing in the matter of a few short seconds. “Now do me a favor and call that f*cking girl. I think you might owe her an apology.”
“I don’t know. I think I might have put a nail in that coffin,” I admit, finding it hard to believe she would ever want to see me again after the way I acted last night.
“Well there’s only one way to find out,” he interjects. “Now, if you’re just about done wallowing in your own self-pity, you may want to consider going upstairs and washing away last night’s bottle. You look like shit.”
“You’re just pissed that even after the night I had I’m still better looking than you.” I tilt my head back on a laugh.
“Fuck you.” He laughs, stepping away from the bar. “I’ve got a few errands to run this morning. You good?”
“I’ll live.” I nod, gesturing for him to go.
“Call Kimber,” he says, turning back to me just as he pulls the front door open.
“We’ll see.” I make no promises, laughing when he rolls his eyes and disappears into the morning sun.
Running my hands through my hair, I look around the bar trying to remember what the hell happened here last night. I have no recollection of punching Matt, which surprisingly I don’t feel that bad for, nor do I have any f*cking clue how I managed to sleep all night on a stool with the glass bar as my pillow.
I must have had a lot more to drink than I f*cking realized...
I replay the confrontation with Trey in my mind as I climb the stairs and push my way inside my apartment. I don’t know why after all this time I still let him get under my skin. I’ve heard the same shit from him for the last eight years now, yet it still has the same effect on me as it did back then.
Then there’s Kimber. I can’t shake away the look of desperation on her face as she begged me not to push her away. The f*cking image seems to be burned into the back of my eyes.
Trey was right to warn her. She really should stay away from me. I know myself and I know there is no way I won’t hurt her, but f*ck me I just can’t seem to let her go that easily.
It’s easy to walk away in the heat of the moment, swearing you’re doing it for the right reasons. But when the darkness of the night fades and you’re faced with the reality of what you stand to lose, things aren’t always so crystal clear.
On one hand, I want to do right by her. And I know the only way I can do that is to let her go. On the other hand, I want to be the selfish * I’ve always been and take exactly what I want until I no longer want it.
My head and heart have never been so conflicted. The fact that I even have to think about it tells me that my feelings for this girl run a lot deeper than I’m ready to admit.
Am I really so convinced that I will hurt her or is my underlying fear that she will actually be the one to hurt me?
Chapter Eighteen
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Kimber
Raising my fist to the door, I knock several times, the impact causing the wood to vibrate against my hand each time it connects. I know he’s here, so I don’t give up when he doesn’t answer right away.
Letting out a frustrated sigh, I prepare to knock again but then stop with my hand in mid-air when the door jerks open. I’m greeted by the dark gaze of Decklan who is now standing directly in front of me still damp from the shower, a towel hanging loosely on his hips.
My mind goes blank for a long second, the drops of water sliding down his incredible torso enough to render me completely captive. It isn’t until he speaks that the fog seems to lift and my resolve slips back into place.
“Kimber?” He seems surprised by my unannounced arrival.
“Good to see you’re still alive,” I snip, pushing my way past him without waiting for an invitation.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks, closing the door before turning to face me.
“Well, surely your cell phone must be broken. I mean, what other excuse would you have for abandoning me the way you did and then not even having the courtesy to answer the phone when I call just to make sure you got home okay.” I ramble, unable to hide my anger over this whole situation.
I stewed all night about how to handle this before finally deciding that I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least put myself out there and fight for what I want. Sure, I’m upset, angry, hurt, disappointed, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about Decklan, and I’m not prepared to let him go that easily.
He opens his mouth to speak, but I don’t give him the chance to make any excuses.
“Don’t,” I shake my head. “I had a lot of time to think on my walk home last night.” I narrow my eyes at him. “And you’re gonna listen to what I have to say whether you like it or not. You owe me that much.”