Cowgirl Up and Ride (Rough Riders #3)(85)

“That’s a bit cynical, isn’t it?”


“Maybe. Or maybe I stopped being na?ve.”


“So if he asked you to marry him—”


“He won’t. His family comes first. His ranch second.” She wasn’t his family and he now owned her ranch.


A quiet pause hung in the tepid evening air.


Macie stared out the window across the moonlit fields. “It’s so beautiful here. I can see why Carter wants to divide our time and have the best of both worlds.”


At the McKay homestead, AJ said, “Drive safe tomorrow. Let me know when I can tell my mom your good news.”


“Will do. I’ll call you soon.”


AJ watched Macie disappear into the house. Cord’s truck was parked next to Colby’s. When she remembered what’d happened in that truck a few short hours ago…her toes curled in her flip-flops. She left before she found a reason to track Cord down for a repeat performance.


Jenn was still awake and sipping a glass of Jim Beam. Straight up.


“Is Mama asleep?”


“Yep. The kids wore her out. Everything wears her out these days.” Jenn shoved the bottle across the table. “Join me in a drink. I could use the company.”


“Sure.” AJ grabbed a juice glass, ice, and a Coke to mix with the whiskey. “What’s got you drinking alone?”


“Alan and I met this morning. I wanted to talk about visitation rights, summer vacation and school breaks over the holidays, you know, normal stuff that most fathers should care about.” She sipped her drink and didn’t look up. “Not him. As I sat across from him, the man I’d been married to for the last twelve years, I realized I didn’t know him at all.


“He doesn’t care about me or the kids. It’s embarrassing to admit I’ve been living a lie, trying to make something work that should’ve ended years ago. So as I sat there, sensing his impatience and his desire to ‘be done with the whole goddamn thing’ I knew how wrong I was to push for marriage with him in the first place.”


“Why?”


“He didn’t love me, Amy Jo. He liked me. The sex was really good. I believed I could work with that. I could make him love me. Or I could love him enough for both of us.” Bitter tears spilled down her cheeks.


“Jenn—”


“I can deal with him discarding me. But how am I supposed to tell our children, his children, that their father is discarding them too? That they might not ever see him again and that is his choice? How do I look them in the eyes and break their hearts?”


“You don’t. It’s not your fault Alan is a selfish dickhead who’s leaving you no option but to pick up the pieces. The only thing you can do is what you’ve been doing.


Show Krista and Mason and Ariel you love them. We love them. We are a family no matter what. No matter where we live.”


Jenn made a sound between a gasp and a laugh.


“You are a great mother…and a great father too.” AJ went to her broken sister. Jenn wrapped her arms around AJ’s waist and sobbed in silent misery. AJ cried right along with her and felt like she’d aged ten years in the last ten hours.


After Jenn quieted down, AJ handed her a tissue.


“When did you get so grown up?”


“I’ve always been grown up. I didn’t exactly have a choice.”