Consolation (Consolation Duet #1)(48)

“That’s because I woke up early and took the monitor out. I think you needed the sleep more than being super mom.” Reanell sits up and puts the water bottle in my hand.

Memories from last night flood back and I immediately wish I was still asleep. I look around the bedroom and anger boils past what’s reasonable. “I need to get out of this room,” I mutter and take the pills.

“Do you want to talk?” she asks, knowing what I’m feeling. In the beginning of her marriage to Mason, he cheated. They’re one of the stories in the teams that gave others hope that they could come out on the other side. Reanell and Mason worked hard to get through it and come out stronger. He paid heavily, but love was never their issue.

“About what? How stupid I am?”

“How the hell are you stupid?” her voice is full of reproach.

I stand and look at the dresser where Aaron’s watches sit. I look at his side of the bed that still has his clothes folded neatly. Opening a drawer, I start looking for something. Anything that tells me this happened. The headache throbs on, but I don’t care. There are answers here and I’m going to find them.

“Natalie, what are you doing?” she asks me as I start to throw his clothes out.

“I have to know. There has to be something here. Something that tells me my husband was f*cking another woman,” I explain as I pull a shirt out of the drawer. “I never bought him this . . . maybe she did.”

Rea comes up behind me and her hand grips my shoulder, but I shrug it off.

“He wasn’t that smart. There’s something here,” I insist. I grab the picture of us with him behind me holding my shoulders and kissing my cheek. I throw it against the wall with all my might and the glass shatters. “I hate him!” Everything comes flooding back.

Reanell sits back on the bed and crosses her legs.

The next drawer contains his pants. I pull each pair out and rifle through the pockets. Looking for God knows what, but I need something . . . anything. “Stupid bastard.” Each time I come up empty, I grow more and more angry.

I rip open his closet door and start pulling more things out. I find a pocketknife in his pants and rage consumes me. I want to tear every emotion out of me. Purge the hurt he’s managed to cause from the grave. “I hope she was worth it!” I cry as I cut his favorite suit with his knife. The fabric rips apart and so does a part of my soul.

“You about done?” Reanell asks, while sitting on the bed.

“No!” I rear back and stab his uniform and tear it apart. “How? My entire life I was devoted to you!” The knife rips another shred. I drop it and the clattering against the wood floor is the only sound that penetrates the air.

I stand in his closet and inhale. It hits me like a brick to the chest, I smell him. It’s as if he’s standing behind me. The clove and musk scent is strong, and instead of sadness . . . I want to see it turned to ash.

“Okay, I’ll just go make some popcorn,” she leans back against the headboard.

“I hate this house! I want to set it on f*cking fire,” I cry out and Reanell sits quiet. “Say something!”

“What do you want me to say? Tear it up, burn it down . . . do what you have to so you can start to heal.”

I look back in the closet where his shirts are shredded as if an animal tore through them. “Are you happy now?” I grab the shirt and grasp the hole, yanking it further. The pocket tears and I keep ripping apart anything in my sight. I taste the salt from my tears as I continue to assault his belongings. “Do you see me?” I cry out to the ceiling. “Do you see what you’ve done to me? I hate you! You’ve ruined me!”

Reanell touches my shoulder and I fall into her arms. “He didn’t ruin you. I think he just freed you.”

I wipe my eyes and let out a deep breath. “I need a shower.”

“Yeah, you do. Go get cleaned up and we’ll go get some fresh air and talk.”



“Grande, non-fat, white chocolate mocha please.” I order my drink of choice and sit in the chair across from Reanell.

“She could be completely full of shit,” she tries to convince me for the third time today.

I look out the window and try to find an answer that doesn’t end in “f*ck you.” “You and I both know she’s not. She was at his funeral.”

“That day was a blur for you. Are you sure it was really her?”

Aarabelle plays with a smile on her face, throwing the toys out of her stroller as we sit on the deck. “I know it was, but I know it in my heart.”

Reanell sits back and shakes her head. “Maybe. I don’t know. I knew you and Aaron weren’t perfect. I feel like you need to remember that. But I’m going to say this and you can punch me: he’s not here anymore, Lee,” she lets out a shaky breath. “You have Liam now. Are you willing to let him go?”

“Do you realize how f*cked up this is? Legitimately, this is so insane I can’t even fully comprehend it.” I begin to ramble as it all comes out. “I married Aaron out of high school, followed him all over the place. Made it through how many deployments, work-ups, and all that other crap to have him get out of the Navy. Then, he goes to work for Jackson and somewhere in there he screwed someone else while I was pregnant. Oh, but wait!” I keep going with my hands moving as I speak. “He goes and gets himself blown the f*ck up! Yup! That’s my life. But no, it gets better, because it wouldn’t be fun if I didn’t keep going . . . I fall in love with his best friend,” I say and then sit back.