Consolation (Consolation Duet #1)(51)

I nod in understanding. Liam only knew the side of our marriage everyone saw. The happy, smiling couple that loved each other since they were sixteen. In many ways, it wasn’t an act. I did love him, and if he were alive, we’d be together, or at least figuring out where to go from here. But he’s gone, and I have Liam.

“In a way, it’s also opened my eyes to how my life wasn’t exactly what I thought.”

“How so?”

“Do we seriously talk about this? Do I really tell you about good and bad in my marriage to your best friend?” I question because it feels almost unnatural. This is the guy who I’m sure listened to Aaron talk about me and now I’m sitting here about to make him listen to me.

“I can’t say I’m going to enjoy it, but if we keep avoiding this shit, we’re never going to get past it. Look, this is hard as hell for me. Aaron was my best friend. I would’ve taken a bullet for him, no questions asked. When things started happening with you and I, I felt like a dick.” Liam plays with my fingers as we sit and talk. “You’re off limits. No one f*cks another team guy’s wife. It’s code. But he’s gone and I don’t know how we found our way here.”

“I battle with the same thing. You were . . . well . . . you. I saw you as a friend. As Aaron’s friend. I can remember sewing your patches on and painting your helmet when you were in BUDs. When my feelings started to shift, I tried to stop it.” I twist my fingers in his as we both open ourselves up. “Do you know what I’m most upset about?” I muse out loud, but I need to say it.

“What?”

“This whole time . . .” I look away, but Liam’s hand pulls my chin toward him.

Liam’s eyes are tender but his jaw is tight. “Don’t hide from me. Let me in.”

My eyes blur with unshed tears as the words begin to form like acid on my tongue. “I’ve been so blind. In my mind, I blocked out everything bad and I’ve put him on this pedestal. When I told him I was pregnant, he shrugged and walked away. I forgot about that until last night. I wanted him to be so perfect. I didn’t want to remember how we weren’t always happy, but we were comfortable. I’m such an idiot.”

He’s rubs his thumb gently against my skin. I close my eyes to his touch and my hand touches his chest. I lean into his body and he holds me close. “You’re not an idiot.”

I let out a short, sarcastic laugh. “The hell I’m not. My husband was cheating on me when I was pregnant. I laid in bed crying for days over someone who could’ve been planning to leave me. My entire life was a lie.”

“I don’t know what to say. A part of me—the selfish part—wants to tell you he was a f*cking moron and you’re better off with me. I wouldn’t cheat and would tell you how you shouldn’t spend another minute thinking of him.” I lean up and Liam lets out a deep breath. “The other part of me is fighting against defending the motherf*cker. But I won’t defend what he did . . . it’s so f*cked up.”

This is what I worry about with us. “Will Aaron always be between us?” I ask and hold my breath.

“I don’t know. Tell me . . .” Liam pauses and bends forward. His lips touch mine and he kisses me. His tongue glides across my lips and he pulls back. He waits for me to open my eyes, and the fierceness stops my breath. The tension in his muscles is clear as he gives me what I need. “Do you wish he was here instead of me? Right now, do you wish it were his arms around you? His mouth on yours?”

I hear him speaking, but I can’t focus. When his lips touch mine, all that exists is Liam and me. He stops and waits . . . I bring myself back to his question and shake my head no.

“That’s not good enough,” his low gruff voice is demanding.

“Right now, I’m not thinking of anyone else.” My lips ghost against his.

He just barely touches his lips to mine. Liam’s head moves side to side as he brushes against my mouth. It’s a game of who’s stronger at this point. “I didn’t ask that.”

“I’m not sure how to answer that, Liam. I’m here with you right now. I’m in your arms. I want to be here—with you.”

The air is thick between us and he doesn’t relax. “He doesn’t have to be here. This is you and me.”

“I don’t want to lose you.” The honesty seeps through each syllable. “I’m scared.”


Liam lies back on the couch and pulls me against his chest. I lie in his arms pressed against him with our fingers intertwined. “I’m falling in love with you, Natalie.” His chest rumbles and I look up. “If I’m not already there. You’re not the only one who’s got something to lose. I don’t want you to say anything back to me. I just want you to know.” Liam’s fingers roll mine as he waits for me to react.

As afraid as I am about being hurt again, I know I’m not alone. “I’m falling for you too. I just don’t know if I can.”

His eyes tell me he understands. He pulls me back down and rubs his hand against my back. There’s a lot the two of us need to overcome. But right here and now, I’m safe. Liam’s strong arms hold me together and I try to think of the last time I felt this way.

Aaron and I were married so young, but we’d had a good marriage. He was gone a lot, and that part sucked, but it made our reunions that much sweeter. Aaron had a temper, but he was never abusive or mean. Hell, half the time I was the one throwing things across the room. He provided for me and I became content. But there were times I could see him distancing himself from me. When he would become belligerent when I would try to talk about what happened overseas. The infertility, PTSD, and his disdain of no longer being a SEAL ate at us. He would spend hours in the garage working on his car and then go to sleep or go out. I put blinders on and thought when I was pregnant with Aarabelle it would fix everything. But the only time Aaron was happy was when other people were around.