Complete Me(136)

“I know. It took me a moment, but I figured that out.”

“A moment? I just told you.”

“No,” I say. “She told me. I’ve known her for a while now. Just casually. Someone to chat with at the Starbucks near my office.”

He bursts to his feet, but I take his hand and tug him back down. “Wait. I need to say something, and I need to do it fast. It’s why I came by, so please—please just let me get this out, okay?”

I can see the concern in his eyes, and it breaks my heart. But I tell myself there’s no other choice. I’ve been over all my options, and I simply don’t see a way clear that doesn’t lead straight to Damien being destroyed.

For so long, he’s been the one protecting me. This time, I’m doing whatever I can to protect him.

I draw in a breath, both for courage and to try to quell the way my body is trembling. My stomach twists violently, and I’m certain I am going to be sick. I shove it all down. I have to do this. I have to. I imagine that scalpel tight between my fingers and then, in what I have to acknowledge as bitter irony, I cling even tighter to Damien’s hand, fighting that craving for a blade. For the pain.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I finally manage to say. “I can’t live with the secrets and the half-truths and the obfuscation.”

I see shock in his eyes, then pain, and my heart twists.

Very slowly, very carefully, he says, “What are you talking about?”

“Sofia. She was in those photos and you didn’t tell me. Richter abused both of you together and you didn’t tell me. And you did kill Richter, Damien. You killed him to protect her.” I do not look at him. I cannot let him see that I do not blame him.

“Everything I told you about that night was true,” he says. I can hear the tight grip he has on control. Any tighter and it will shatter. “All I did was leave out the reason for the fight.”

“Sofia.”

“He was going to start whoring her out.” The words are as rough as sandpaper. “The son of a bitch was going to whore out his own daughter.”

“I see.” I speak calmly even though my blood runs cold. “But that doesn’t—that doesn’t change anything.” I am wishing for some sort of solution to fly down from the sky. For a magical bubble to swoop in and carry us off. But there is no bubble. There is only cold, hard reality. “I meant what I said. I can’t—I can’t do this anymore.”

I feel the lie pressing against me. I grab it and wrap it tight around me like a cloak. Because I need this lie. This lie has the power to save Damien even as it is ripping me apart. “I can’t live knowing that there are more and more secrets underneath,” I continue with my rehearsed words. “I can’t go on pretending the shadows don’t bother me.”

“Nikki.” His voice is tight and controlled, but I think I hear a hint of panic underneath, and my heart twists. All I want to do is hold him. All I want is to feel his arms around me.

I stand, afraid that if I don’t get out of there fast, I will back down. And I can’t risk destroying Damien. Not when I’m the one who can save him. “I need to go. I—I’m sorry.”

I turn and hurry toward the elevator, but he doesn’t let me get away. He grabs my elbow to stop me, and I jerk it back. “Dammit, Damien, let me go.”

“We are going to talk about this.” The veneer of shock that had been all over him only moments before has changed to something brash and volatile. I see the anger building in his eyes, about to explode out past the pain, the hurt, the confusion.