Come to Me Quietly(117)

But I’d been wrong. I’d been selfish. The worst kind of fool.

“I was in such a hurry, and she kept telling me to slow down. We were almost home. I knew I should stop… that the truck was too close… but I just gunned the engine and turned left across the intersection.”



A tremor rolled down the length of Aly’s body, and silent tears dripped unchecked down her face. Gripping her face between my hands, I forced her to look at me.

“She was screaming, Aly, f*cking screaming at me to stop and I went anyway because all I wanted to do was get home so I could go back out.” My throat felt like gravel, and beneath the girl, I shook, the horror of that moment so clear, so vivid. Just like every night, it was like I could reach out and stop it. But I could never change what I’d done.

“That truck hit us so hard,” I said, my voice low and rough. “Everything was so loud… God, Aly, it was so loud.”



I could still hear it – piercing – the sound of metal shearing as my entire world was ripped apart.

“It was like I was weightless or something, but everything was heavy at the same time. Then we were jolted into this suffocating standstill. It was so quiet… too quiet.” I sucked in a breath through my gritted teeth, reliving the pain of that moment. “I hurt everywhere, and I couldn’t even make sense of why. Then I heard her moan.” I forced the words out over the panic that bubbled up in my throat. “But it was my name, Aly… she was f*cking saying my name, f*cking crying for me.”



My heart thundered, and my hands constricted on Aly’s face. Her tears seeped into the webs of my fingers. She placed her hand over one of mine, holding me close. “It’s okay,” she murmured. Drawing my hand back, she kissed across my knuckles. “It’s okay.”



And I could feel it, the tears locked up inside that could never be shed, the ball of unspent sorrow that had burdened me for all of this condemned life. Agitation curled with it and sent a rush of anger surging through my veins. “When I looked at her… ” My voice shook. “She was staring at me with this shocked horror, like she didn’t know what’d happened any more than I did.” I drew in a faltered breath. “But then I saw the blood. It was running down one side of her head and cutting across her face… but her shirt… it was soaked. God, I wanted to reach for her so bad, to help her, but I couldn’t move my arms. I could hear the sirens… they were coming… but she was breathing all funny. I was so scared, Aly… and I wanted to cry but I couldn’t… .”



I could never forget it, could never outrun it, the way she’d struggled to speak, my name ragged on her lips.

“Jared… ” She shuddered as she tried to smile, her face so sad when she promised me, “It’ll be okay.”



“It’ll be okay,” Aly whispered frantically, breaking free to kiss the rose at my chest, her fingers digging into my skin, promising again, “It’ll be okay.”



I grasped her by the outside of her shoulders. “It’s not okay, Aly. Don’t you get that? It’s never gonna be okay. I killed my mom. I sat there and watched her die.”



“No, Jared – ”



Anger raged. I shook her. “Don’t.”



I knew she’d do this. I knew she’d try to convince me of things that weren’t true. “What do you want from me, Aly? I keep telling you I don’t have anything for you. I can’t be what you want me to be.”