Come to Me Quietly(116)

I tucked my chin to take in Aly’s expectant eyes. They just watched me, comprehending too much. With a shaky hand, I reached out and fused myself to her, winding a lock of her hair around my finger. I turned my attention to the motion, fixed on it, as if holding Aly this way could somehow keep her from slipping away.

“I remember her coming up behind me while I stood at the mirror getting ready for school that morning. She’d wrapped her arms around my waist and told me it didn’t matter how old I got, I would always be her baby. The whole week before I turned sixteen, whenever I walked into the room, she’d stop what she was doing to take me in. Her gaze would drift over me like she saw something fading away. She just kept saying she couldn’t believe how quickly time had passed.”



And I’d never suspected time was getting ready to end.

My tone hardened. “She picked me up after school in that f*cking car my dad had promised me as long as I got good grades and stayed out of trouble.”



Saliva pooled in the back of my throat. I swallowed hard, lines denting my brow as I got lost in that day.

“She drove me there, telling me stories the entire way.” I flinched, remembering how soft, how sweet, her voice had always been. “She kept peering out the windshield up at the sky. She had this look on her face, Aly… almost like she was a little bit sad. She told me that day felt almost exactly the same as the day I’d been born. That the sky was blue and the air was cool.”



I remembered it so clearly.

“I was so anxious for you to come,” she said, her somber eyes brimming with affection. “I kept thinking you were going to be born early because I was huge.” She laughed, slanting a knowing smile over at me. “But your grandma told me not to worry, I’d know when it was time. Your dad and I were sitting outside when I felt you, and I knew I was going to meet you that day. It feels just like yesterday.”



A ragged breath wheezed into my lungs. Aly’s fingers trembled along my jaw, her touch overwhelming amid the sickness clawing at my spirit, surging up, pressing down.

“She took me to my driver’s test. Afterward I walked out of that building with my license thinking I was the coolest f*cking thing in the world.”



Revulsion boiled under the surface of my skin. Searing. Burning. Blackening.

“She tossed the keys at me, and she said, ‘I think these belong to you.’” I almost sneered. I’d never forget the pride that had filled her voice.

Aly exhaled, shaky and hard, her attention jumping all over my face like she had no idea where to look, and still I continued. “When we got in the car, she said she wanted to take me out to eat… to celebrate… just the two of us. But all I cared about was myself, Aly. All I cared about was the party your brother had planned for me and the f*cking girl I was supposed to meet up with there. I lied to her… ” The word cracked, and my finger twisted tighter in her hair.

If I’d just slowed down… if I had taken one goddamned hour and given it to her, then I wouldn’t have taken it all.

“I told her I had a big project that was due on Monday and I had to go to this girl’s house to work on it when I knew I was going to be spending the night partying with my friends.”



I could so clearly feel it, the way my chest had felt so full. Like I was in control. Like nothing could touch me. Indestructible.

I’d never thought of myself as a bad kid. I mean, I was no angel, but I’d always hated when I disappointed my mom and dad.