Chasing Spring(62)

Thought I’d help you pack. I’ll come by the house tomorrow and check on you and your dad. Let me know if you need anything or if you change your mind.

- Coach

I crumpled up the note and shoved it into my pocket before picking up the first box. I made quick work of transporting them all to my truck. Harvey followed me back and forth, curious about where we were going. Once I loaded up the last one, I turned to him.

“I just need to check my room,” I said, bending down and rubbing behind his ear.

He was anxious to leave, but I had to make sure Coach Calloway had packed everything. I hadn’t seen my cameras inside any of the boxes and I couldn’t leave without them, even if I wouldn’t have the time to work on them.

I took the stairs two at a time with Harvey at my feet. Lilah’s door was closed, but I ignored it anyway; she wasn’t coming out any time soon. I needed my cameras and she needed her space.

I pushed the door open into my room and bent down to look under the bed. I shoved the comforter aside and spotted my cameras and tools sitting there, forgotten. I pulled out the two boxes, dusted off the tops, and sat back on my heels. A quick scan around the room proved that Coach Calloway had packed up everything else. The room looked just like it had when I’d first moved in. It had never really belonged to me. It was borrowed, just like everything else in my life.

I glanced over at the stack of boxes in the corner and paused on the biggest one on the bottom. It had always held my attention more than the other boxes. It was the one I’d tried to cover with angry pen strokes, but it hadn’t helped. Her name was still there beneath the ink. Elaine. I moved before I realized what I was doing. I deconstructed the stack and ripped the lid off that box, looking for answers in the confines of stale, moldy cardboard. I pushed aside old newspaper clippings and saved birthday cards and then my finger skimmed across the binding of an old book.

I pulled it from the box and turned it over in my hand. It was ancient and fragile. I blew off a layer of dust across the front cover and then flipped it open.

I barely made it two pages in before jumping to my feet.

Lilah.





Chapter Fifty-Seven


Lilah





I was out working in my garden when Chase came to get a few things from his room. I heard his truck rumble into the driveway, but I kept my gaze trained on the plants in front of me. Everything was blooming nicely. In a week’s time, the green beans and squash would be ready to pick and the tomatoes would be falling off their vines. I’d already plucked some of them. They were green and could have done well with another few days on the vine, but I didn't want the squirrels to get to them first. They’d ripen up nicely inside.

I grabbed my basket of vegetables and turned toward the house just as Chase pushed the screen door open. He held his hand up to shield the sunlight and for a moment I was taken aback by the sight of him. He was golden in every sense of the word. Tan and blond and pure hearted.

“Your garden is lookin' good,” he said, eyeing the beds behind me. I followed his gaze and tried to see it all from his perspective. My garden was having a good year so far. The raspberries hadn't come in yet, but everything else was doing well.

“Thanks. Let me put some of these tomatoes in a bag so you can take them to your dad,” I said, walking up the back steps to the stack of folded grocery bags I kept in a basket near the back door. We both reached down for one, but he beat me to it. He whipped it open and held it out so I could drop the tomatoes inside.

When it was filled up, I folded the top down and gave him a small smile.

“You didn't really give me the chance to talk yesterday,” he said.

I swallowed and shoved my hands into my back pockets, praying he wouldn’t try and rehash the argument. It’d only been one day; we hadn’t even given the dust time to settle.

“You and I need time apart,” he said, holding my gaze.

I tilted my head and stared up at him, confused by his change of attitude.

“Not because I don’t love you and not because we won’t end up together. No. You see, you and me, Lilah, we’re a done deal.”

“Are we?”

He crossed his arms confidently. “I’d like to think so.”

I glanced away, trying to get a grip on the tears before he noticed them. I didn’t want to cry. We weren’t fighting or breaking up or screaming; that part was done. Even still, I couldn’t stop the sadness from welling up inside of me.

“But even if you don’t come back to me, I think we’ll be okay,” he continued.

I focused on the side of the porch, biting the inside of my cheek to keep my protests inside, but it didn’t work. They spilled out anyway.

“I thought you said you wanted to give me a happy ending?”

He smiled a sad smile that never reached his eyes. “Maybe instead I have to be satisfied with a happy middle.”

I shook my head, confused.

“Think about it. Does the ending even matter? Shouldn’t the middle be the happy part? It’s the biggest chunk of our life, and yet no one ever asks if two people had a happy middle. They care too much about the ending.”

I shook my head and wiped my nose, trying to keep the sadness hidden away. I didn’t want a happy middle. I wanted Chase forever. I wanted him until the very end, but he was leaving. He was agreeing that we needed space and if I wasn’t going to fight, and he wasn’t going to fight, then we were truly finished.