Chasing Spring(60)

Chase's eyebrows tugged together in confusion. “Are you angry?”

I shrugged, remembering how easily he’d left me behind to get in the car with Kimberly.

“Don’t you know what happened?”

His earnest expression made my shoulders sag. “No. What are you talking about?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and then explained in shorthand what he’d gone through the day before: the car accident, Kimberly telling him at school. The scene in the parking lot made perfect sense, but I’d seen what my insecurities had wanted me to see.

“I thought you were ditching me for Kimberly,” I admitted with an embarrassed whisper. How could I have been so self-centered? How could I have had so little trust in him? Maybe in my obsession, I had started to see secrets where there were none.

He pushed off his cot and moved to sit on the edge of my bed, just against my left leg.

“You honestly thought I'd do that? We're dating Lilah. I love you.”

I squeezed my eyes closed and wished I could tell him how much I loved him too, but I was drowning. Even though his words soothed my insecurities, they also stoked fiery feelings of self-loathing. What if Trent had taken advantage of me the night before? I'd been stupid enough to put myself in that situation in the first place.

Before I could open my mouth, the hospital door slid open and my dad stepped into the room. He let out a visible sigh when he saw me sitting up and then tilted his head toward the door.

“Chase, do you mind if I have a talk with Lilah for a second?” my dad asked.

Chase pushed up off the cot but didn't bother looking back at me as he exited the room. When the door clicked back into place, my dad sighed and wiped his palms down his cheeks, giving me an exasperated look.

“You can't do that to me, kid,” he began. “I tried calling you two dozen times last night and when you didn't answer. Do you know how scared I was, trying to figure out where you'd gone? Chase's dad was in an accident and you were lost...” His voice shrank to a whisper. “It brought back memories of...that day.”

I opened my mouth to apologize but he kept going. “You're grounded for the rest of the school year.”

I nodded.

“There's less than a month left before you graduate, and that means you have one month left to get your head screwed on right.” He paused and took a seat on the end of my bed. “I know you've had it harder than any of us after your mother died. It's not fair, but you are going to have to learn sooner than anybody else your age that just because a bad thing has happened, it doesn't mean the world is going to stop hitting you. Just look at Chase's dad.”

“I'm not going to—”

“I've tried to be there for you, but there are just some things that a father can't do.”

I felt tears collecting at the corner of my eyes. “Dad, you've done everything you could. You've been a good fath—”

He held up his hand to cut me off. “I know, I know. You don't have to tell me that. I want you to go college as the confident woman that I know you to be. I'm not a fool. I know that you and Chase have been seeing each other, but I trusted you two to make smart decisions. I had a tough choice to make with that: either I kicked him out and he’d be forced to move back in with his father, or I could dig my heels in and hope that maybe he'd be able to help you work through some of the grief you've kept buried inside.”

I shook my head. “I don't have grief buried inside,” I argued.

He tilted his head, narrowing his eyes to study me. “Your mom was fighting her own demons. Her death had nothing to do with you.”

His blunt words caught me by surprise and I inhaled a sharp breath. He'd never talked about her death like that before.

“Some people slay their demons. Not everyone kills themselves,” I argued.

His frown deepened. “Maybe hers were a little bit bigger than other people's.”

“Yeah?” I leaned forward and pointed at my chest. “Well, what does it say about her love for us if it didn't outweigh the demons?”

“Is that what you think? That she didn't love you enough?” He reached his hand out to rest it on the blanket covering my legs. Tears slipped down my cheeks and I was helpless to stop them.

“She loved you, Lilah.”

I wasn’t ready to process his words; my grief was still covered in dust and decay.

The doctor came in later that morning and gave me the green light to go home. I changed into normal clothes while my dad gathered my things. When we had everything packed up, I followed my dad out of the room to find Chase waiting outside, leaning against the wall with his feet crossed and his head tilted down. I wondered what he was staring at, but I didn't get to ask before he glanced up.

“Did you go check on your dad?” I asked.

He nodded and crossed his arms as my dad headed for the elevators, giving us a moment to talk alone.

“Is he doing better? You never told me how bad his injuries were,” I asked.

“He's staying in the hospital for another few nights but then they'll release him to go home. They set up a nurse for home care but I’m moving back to help too.”

I froze. “You're moving back to your house?”

Chase let his head fall back against the wall and he stared up at the ceiling. “The doctor said he needs someone to stay with him and I can't just leave him like that.”