Chasing Spring(61)

“No, of course not,” I said. Of course Chase would take care of his dad. I just hadn't thought about the possibility of him moving out. “How long will you stay?”

“Until I leave for college.”

He was dislodging my world piece by piece. No, I told myself. It doesn't have to be that bad.

“We'll still see each other at school, and I can help you take care of your dad,” I said, trying to make the best of the situation.

Chase blew out a puff of air and let his gaze fall to me. I’d never seen his hazel eyes look so sad. Those eyes were the first sign of his heartbreak.

“Lilah, are you in love with me?”

I took a step back.

“What?

“Are you in love with me?” he asked again, slower this time.

I squeezed my eyes closed as a long, sad pause passed between us.

“I…”

He sighed and then laughed pitifully. “I love you.” I snapped my eyes open as he continued, “I love you and you got in that car with Trent. Why would you go with him? Do you not trust me at all?”

I shook my head.

“Why won’t you answer me?” He kept firing question after question. “Why does everyone I love end up leaving me? My mom, my dad, now y—”

“It doesn't matter!” I yelled, interrupting him. “Don’t you see that? It's exactly why you shouldn't love me. I’m not good enough for you!” I pointed between the two of us and let the floodgates open. “You should be with someone like Kimberly. When you go to college, there will be girls throwing themselves at you left and right. You'll finally realize how much better you can do.”

“Lilah, you're beautiful,” he said.

I shook my head angrily. “That's not what this is about! I'm not insecure about my looks. I don't give a shit about how I look or how you look.” I pointed at my chest. “I'm talking about the inside…the gritty parts.” I took a breath and continued. “Underneath it all, you’re perfect. You'd do anything for the people you love and that's why you're with me. You want to be my hero. I'm the sad, broken girl you grew up with, and you want to swoop in and save the day. I don't even think you realize you're doing it.”

“What are you talking about?” he argued. His brows were furrowed and his eyes were clouded in confusion.

I took a step back and felt the shift…the beginning of the end.

“I never asked for a hero, Chase. I don’t want to be saved.”

He stood there watching me with his lips parted and his brows tugged together. He had no clue what I was talking about, but he’d figure it out one day, and when he did, he’d know that I’d been right to walk away. I didn’t need him as my hero.

I kept backing away until I bumped into a nurse behind me.

“Oh, excuse me,” she said, gripping my shoulder to make sure I didn’t tip over. That’s when the first tear fell. I dropped my head so she wouldn’t see it.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled before I spun and headed for the elevator. Chase stayed frozen in place, watching me walk away.





Chapter Fifty-Six


Chase





I gripped the steering wheel of my truck and tried to work up the courage to go inside the Calloways’ house and grab my things. It’d been 24 hours since Lilah had walked away from me in the hospital. I’d stood there, trying to wrap my head around her thoughts, but in the end I was no closer to understanding her.

Eventually, I’d left. I’d gone to room 178 and stayed with my dad, listening carefully as the nurses taught me about his home care. He didn’t deserve my attention, but he had no one else. For the next week or two, he’d be bedbound, which meant if he wanted to eat, I had to feed him. If he had to shit, I had to help him. Really, compared to the past few years, nothing was different. He was the child, I was the parent; our roles were finally coming full circle.

The doctors promised my dad would be discharged and ready to go home in a few days, so I wanted to move my stuff back into the house, clean it up, and get settled before then. Every pack of cigarettes was going in the trash and every bottle of alcohol was going down the drain. If I was going to help nurse him back to health, he’d be sober for every excruciating second of my time there.

With that resolution, I finally pushed open the door of my truck and walked toward the Calloways’ front door. I couldn’t sit in their driveway all day. Lilah and I would have to face each other in school, so I might as well get the first awkward encounter over with.

I knocked gently and then walked inside, relieved to find the living room empty save for Harvey. He’d been waiting patiently for me behind the door, but he was a whining, wagging ball of energy. I bent down and let him lick my face, smiling for the first time in two days. His soft whines told me how much he’d missed me. I knew Lilah and Mr. Calloway were taking care of him for me, but it felt better to have him back. He and I were a team. Even when I didn’t have my dad or Lilah, I knew I had Harvey.

“C’mon boy, let’s go get my stuff.”

He barked and wagged his tail, turning circles around my legs as I stood.

There were boxes piled up by the stairs, ten or twelve in total, neatly stacked with my name scribbled on the side of them. I recognized Coach Calloway’s handwriting, and when I stepped closer, I saw he’d stuck a note to the box on top.