Chasing Spring(32)

“Wow, I'm surprised you even answered. I thought you only accepted phone calls from the chosen ones these days.”

I assumed she was being icy because I hadn’t called her the day before like I’d said I would.

“Whatever.”

“What are you doing now? Want to come over to Trent’s with me?”

My stomach rolled at the idea.

“I'm at a baseball game.”

“Wait, wait. You're at the Blackwater baseball game right now? I thought you said you were going to lay low at your house this weekend?” Judgment dripped from every syllable. “Wow, I guess living with Chase really is changing you.”

Something in her tone snapped a cord within me. I had let Ashley treat me like crap for the last two weeks and I’d brushed it off. I’d never really considered her a friend anyway, but she knew nothing about my life or why I made the decisions that I did. She knew nothing about my mom's death or my family’s problems.

“I wanted to watch one of my dad's games before I graduate. You don’t get to be rude to me because of it. Y’know, I thought I needed a friend to get through high school, but I'd rather be on my own than waste my time with people that are going to judge me for every little thing I do.”

I exhaled a deep breath and realized I'd said much more than I had planned to.

“Wow, okay then, Miss Independent. Did that feel good?” she laughed.

I expected her to blow up on me or at the very least hang up, so her laughter surprised me.

“Yes.” I smiled. “It did.”

“I just wish you were coming,” she began. “I know we don't have a ton in common, but this is a tiny town and options for friends are pretty limited.”

I laughed at how blunt she was being. It was true that we were technically friends by default, but to say it out loud felt taboo.

“Let's hang out soon then. Maybe we can go see a movie,” I answered, waving a white flag.

“Sounds good. I'll talk to you later.”

I hung up the phone, feeling oddly lighter as I stepped back up toward the ramp. Clumps of people were filing down with their stadium chairs and trash in hand. The scrimmage must have ended while I was on the phone and I hadn't even realized. I fought against the flow of people to get back up to the bleachers. When I crested the top, I glanced over at the scoreboard. We'd won 14-4.

I turned toward the field. My dad was talking to the coach from the other school out on the pitcher's mound. The Blackwater team was lined up single file against the metal railing of the bleachers with the Diamond Girls lined up in front of them. Each Diamond Girl was in front of her designated player and when I saw Chase smiling up at Kimberly, I felt a punch to my gut. Kimberly bent down to talk to him over the noise of the stadium and I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do.

Watching them together scraped at every one of my insecurities. They were quite the pair, the golden boy and the diamond girl. Their children would be royalty in this tiny town and I wanted to throw up.

When the players reached up to hand each of the Diamond Girls a red rose, I started walking backward down the ramp. I couldn’t witness another second.

The moment they disappeared from my sight, the pressure in my chest lessened and I knew the right thing to do was to bow out of whatever unspoken competition was going on between Kimberly and me. Actually, to call it a competition was giving myself too much credit. I was broken; Kimberly was whole. I was selfish; Kimberly would give you the shirt off her back. She deserved to have Chase all to herself and by taking myself out of the competition, I could pretend that it didn't hurt as much as I walked away the loser.

I unlocked my phone and shot my dad a quick text.



Lilah: Let's do pizza at home instead.





Chapter Thirty-Six


Lilah





I laid in bed that night staring up at the shadows dancing across the surface of my ceiling. I'd already flipped onto every side of my body a half-dozen times, but sleep proved elusive. No position, pillow, or flock of sheep made it easier to stem the flow of thoughts from my mind.

When I'd gotten home after the game, I’d ordered pizza even though I wasn't hungry. My dad and I ate it while we watched a Friends rerun and at the very end of it, he glanced over to me.

“I'm really glad you came out today, Lilah. I know it meant a lot to Chase,” he said.

I ignored the mention of Chase's name. “I came to see you, Dad. I'm proud of you, old man.”

He laughed and shook his head. “Want to work in the garden tomorrow morning?”

I wondered if he could tell I had things weighing on my mind. He would help me in the garden every now and then, but if he was asking, it meant he wanted to cheer me up.

Regardless, I nodded. “Yeah, I think the tomatoes are ready to be planted.”

After staring at the first half of another Friends episode, I went up to my room and got ready for bed. It was early, but Chase wasn't home yet and I wanted to go to sleep and pretend I didn't know he was hanging out with Kimberly.

The idea of them together hurt.

I found myself pining for everything Kimberly had, and the notion of it shocked me. Two weeks before, I’d been living in another city, and now suddenly, I wanted to be Chase's best friend again. I wanted to be his dumb Diamond Girl, and I wanted him to hand me a rose at the end of the game and smile up at me like I was his world.