Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(155)

My stomach does a nervous back flip, the last time I couldn’t get hold of Sean, was the night Haley had made her accusations. Haley the f*cking whore, my fists clenched at the thought of that slut, despite venting my rage on her earlier, there was still so much more damage that I’d like to inflict, if Cam hadn’t been there to stop me.

Cam, the enormity of what I did starts to hit me. I swallow down the bile with my tears, which Jimmie mistakes for worry over the boys. I am worried, of course I am, chances are, Ash is probably bang on with where they are and what they are doing and I have absolutely no right to feel angry at what they might be getting up to.

“Ash is probably right Jim, it’s nearly morning now, they have an early flight home anyway and the planes landing at City airport so they’ll be here after lunch, let me have a shower and then we’ll make some more calls. We’ll call the hotel and wake them up if we have to, serves them right for not answering their mobiles.”

The second I step into the shower I let my tears go and I allow my brain to start trying to make sense of my actions, but I can’t. Why would I do that? Why did I do that? What a stupid, selfish thing to do. If this ever gets out, no I can’t even think along those lines, I have to put it all away, I have to never think of it again and carry on. I love Sean, I want to be with Sean, and nothing at all has changed there. My life is with Sean, we’re planning on starting a family next year and I won’t let my actions tonight come in the way of that.

Then it hits me.

Oh God.

No.

How could I be so stupid?

I’m not on the pill.

What if Cam’s made me pregnant?

What if, right at this minute, his sperm are heading toward my ovaries?

I grab the sponge and force it up inside myself, twisting it around inside of me, washing away every last trace of Cam from my body but knowing full well that I may already be too late, I may already have a piece of him and a piece of me forming, developing, dividing inside me right now.

I stand with my eyes closed, my face up to the ceiling, letting the water hammer down on the back of my head and hope that it can wash away my shame and my guilt and if it doesn’t, then I’ll just have to live with the consequences of my unforgivable actions tonight.

The door to the shower cubical opens and I’m startled out of my thoughts. Sean is standing naked in front of me, wearing a grin and an enormous hard on. Without saying a word he leans in and sucks on my left nipple, then looking up at me, he says, “Good morning Georgia Rae, I f*cking missed you baby.”

I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck and breathe him in. “How are you here so early?’ I ask.

“We just wanted to get home, Len rearranged the flight so we could fly right back after we played, but they didn’t have a pilot available so we had to hang about for a bit but we’re here now, six hours earlier than we should be. You not pleased to see me?” He’s kissing my neck and my jaw as he speaks.

“Of course I am.”

“Show me; show me how pleased you are.”

So I do.

* * *

When I wake up later that morning, the sun is shining through the wide open windows and a warm breeze is blowing on my bare back, I’m lying across the bed, alone it would seem. As I climb out of bed, I’m amazed at how well I feel; no hangover at all but a mouth that’s as dry as a nun’s crutch, I head for the kitchen in search of coffee and from where I can hear talking and laughter, as I walk out into the open plan living area. Ash is sitting on Jimmie’s chest, obviously demonstrating what I did to Whorely last night.