Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(133)

“Princess, you scared the f*ckin’ life outta me, don’t ever, ever do that again!”

I swallow. “I’m sorry Daddy.” I look around the room at all the anxious faces, Baileys making a call.

“Fin, she’s here, call the boys off… Na, she’s fine, I’ll bell ya later and let ya know, cheers.” His angry eyes look me over.

“That close.” He shows me a very tiny space between his thumb and index finger as he holds them up. “We were that f*ckin’ close to start banging down doors. Dave said you went off with bald Benny, said you wouldn’t be long. That was seven hours ago George, seven f*cking hours, no one’s seen you, no one’s seen King. You didn’t call, we had no idea where the f*ck you were. We thought he’d flipped his lid and gone psycho again, kidnapped ya, killed ya, we didn’t know George, coz you being the selfish little bitch that you are, f*cked off without a word. Dad was ready to start shooting people, Macas not far behind.” He stops to draw breath. “Do you ever stop and think about anyone but yourself George, ever? You start running around with Sean when you’re just a kid, getting up to God knows what. Then you spend four years acting like we should have you committed, then you start running around with one of the East End’s biggest gangsters, whose wife just happened to die in very mysterious circumstances and then, finally, we get a two week window where we all think that we can finally breathe, you’re back with Maca, finally right where you wanna be and then you pull this little stunt. What the f*ck is wrong with you? What exactly is it you want, do you even know? For f*ck’s sake Georgia, you’re nearly twenty-one, it’s time to grow up and start being accountable for your actions and the affect they have on everyone else.”

I stand, alone, mortified and let the tears roll silently down my cheeks, everything he has said is true, I’m a spoilt, selfish girl and I don’t take other people’s feelings into account as often as I should, as much as I should. I look around the room, at the worried faces of the people that love most in the world but I don’t make eye contact with any of them. “I’m so sorry everyone, I didn’t mean for anyone to worry, I was asked to help out in an emergency and I lost track of time. I’m so sorry, I should’ve called, I should’ve let someone know where I was or taken Dave with me but I didn’t and I’m sorry.”

I walk past every one, go straight to my bathroom and turn on the shower, I turn the water around to hot, take off my clothes and step under, adjusting the water so that it’s as hot as I can bear it. I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I didn’t mean to be selfish, and I didn’t mean to hurt anyone or make them worry. I didn’t know Cam loved me, I didn’t know my family had been so concerned for so long but at the end of the day, is ignorance any kind of defence or am I just a stupid, spoiled twenty year old, who thought she knew it all?

I slide down the wall, bring my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them.

I’m not sure how long I spend sitting on the shower floor but when I eventually get out, Sean is sitting on the edge of the bath holding a towel. He stands and wraps it around me and just holds me tight, he grabs another from the rack and starts to rub my hair dry with it. I’ve stopped crying but my jaw is still quivering and you can hear it in my voice when I say to Sean, “I’m so sorry.”

He pulls me in tighter and kisses the top of my head. “Let’s go to bed,” is all that he says. I climb into bed and sit and dry my hair as I watch him take off his clothes, he strips totally naked and climbs into bed next to me, pulling me to him. I feel safe, warm and loved, which is probably more than I deserve. “Dya wanna tell me about it?”