Calmly, Carefully, Completely(94)

He looks into my eyes. “You’ve had enough sadness today.” His eyes start to dart around the car, and I can tell he’s upset.

“She’s going to die, Matt,” I say quietly. “You need to see her.”

Pete sits up tall so he can look at Matt in the rearview mirror. He’s curious about why I know so much about Matt. I should have told him that we talked last night, but I kind of feel like it was between me and Matt. “Who’s dying?” Pete asks.

“Kendra,” he says quietly.

“Oh no,” Pete breathes. He shakes his head. “You need to go, Matt. We’ll go with you.”

Matt heaves in a breath and points to me. “She can go. You can’t.”

Pete’s brow furrows. “Why can’t I go?” he asks.

“Because you have to go see the boys at the center.” He looks into my eyes. “Can we go today?” he asks.

I nod. “I’d love to.” It’ll be better than sitting around missing Maggie.

We drive across town and drop Pete off at the youth center. He gets out, adjusts his jeans, and pulls me to him. We’re standing at the front of the car, and Matt gets into the driver’s seat. I brush Pete’s shirt off. He has Maggie’s hair stuck to him in places. “Are you going to be all right with Matt?” he asks. “I don’t have to go to the meeting. I can go with you. I really don’t want to leave you today.”

“I need something to do.” It’s true. If I sit at home, I’ll think about Maggie all day. And Matt needs to do this. I can feel it in my gut. Besides, Matt doesn’t scare me. The look on his face makes me want to hug him and hold him close. He’s struggling, and I know what that’s like. Pete bangs on the hood of the car, and Matt sticks his head out.

“What the f*ck do you want?” Matt grouses. But their banter is playful. I love the way they interact with one another.

“You’ll bring her home after, right?”

He shrugs. “If that’s where she wants to go.”

Pete reaches up and tucks a lock of hair behind my ear. “I want you to sleep in my bed.”

Butterflies take flight in my belly. “Okay,” I whisper.

“Will you do me a favor?” he asks.

I’d do just about anything for him. “What do you need?”

“Take care of Matt. He’s not as strong as he looks.”

I disagree because I’d wager he’s a lot stronger than he looks, and he looks like a linebacker. “I’ll keep an eye on him.”

His lips touch mine, and it’s not a peck on my mouth. He delves in and let’s me know he’s there. When I’m breathless, he sets me back from him with a groan, his hands on my shoulders. “Don’t forget to call your parents,” he says. He walks away from me toward the youth detention center. I watch him walk, admiring his backside. He turns back and cups his hands around his mouth. “I love you,” he calls.

I shake my head and mouth the words back at him. Then I get in the car, where Matt is tapping on the wheel with his thumbs singing along with a song on the radio. He acts like he’s sticking his fingers down his throat and makes a gagging noise. “You guys will make me puke if you keep that up.” He grins, though.

I shove his shoulder. “That’s not funny.”

“No, it won’t be funny at all when I puke. I puked a lot during chemo. I’m good at it.” He laughs. He reaches out and squeezes my knee. “Call your dad on the drive. We have about an hour to kill.”