Calmly, Carefully, Completely(89)

“Yeah,” I say, and we start back toward the apartment.

The city is not asleep. I doubt it ever sleeps, and some men walk by us wearing knit caps and football jerseys. I back up and step into Matt. He puts his hands on my shoulders and says, “Careful.” He squeezes my shoulders gently, and then he steps back. He holds the door wide, and I slide through without touching him. But in the back of my mind, I’m lamenting over the fact that he didn’t make my skin crawl. “You okay?” he asks as we start up the stairs.

I nod. But I have this lump in my throat. I officially have three men in my life now who don’t scare me. My dad, Pete, and this man I don’t know. And the fact that I don’t know him, yet feel okay with him touching me, amazes me. “Thanks for going with me,” I say.

“I couldn’t let Pete’s girl go out in the dark alone. He’d never forgive me.” My belly flips at his choice of words. Pete’s girl.

“I should have just woken him up. I don’t think he’d mind.”

He snorts. “You’ve never seen Pete in the morning, huh?”

I guess I haven’t. Not when he gets right out of bed. “No,” I admit. But up until tonight, he’d never came in my hand, either, so I guess I’m learning all sorts of things about him, how he looks in the morning being just one of them.

We get halfway up the stairs and I realize Maggie’s not with us. I let her leash drop after we came through the door because she always follows so closely. I look down and see her on the second level, lying on the floor panting. “Mags?” I say. I walk toward her, and she lumbers to her feet. But she’s unsteady, and she refuses to walk up the stairs.

“Will she let me carry her?” Matt asks.

I doubt it. I can carry her myself, but before I can say so, he walks over to her and lets her sniff his hand. He pets her head and down the length of her back. Then he hoists her into his arms and carries her up the stairs. She doesn’t complain, and she doesn’t try to bite him.

He lets us into the apartment and sets her down, and then he sits down on the floor and lets her crawl into his lap. “She doesn’t usually like people,” I say.

He smiles. “They can tell when we’re harmless,” he says softly. “Do you want me to find a vet tonight?” he asks.

“I think she’ll be okay until morning, don’t you?” I never know what to do with emergencies. I’ve never had to deal with one all by myself.

“Probably,” he says. He rises to his feet, and I realize how big he really is. He’s at least as tall as Pete, and he’s covered in tattoos just like Pete is, but he’s…different. It’s hard to explain. “Want something to drink?” he asks softly as he goes to the fridge.

I’m wide awake, so I may as well. He brings me a bottle of water, and I see him take a carton of ice cream from the fridge. It’s Rocky Road, my favorite.

“Want some?” he whispers, and he takes out two bowls. He starts to scoop ice cream into them.

“Did we wake you up?” I ask, and I sit down at the table when he hands me a bowl and a spoon.

“No.” He shakes his head. “I don’t sleep well sometimes, so I get up and write.” He shrugs. “It clears my head.”

“What do you write?” I ask.

He shrugs again. “Just journal stuff,” he says. “They had me start doing it when they thought I was going to die.” He chuckles, but it’s a sound with no humor.

I pull the spoon out of my mouth. This really is good ice cream. “You’re better now, right?”