Burnt Devotion (Imdalind, #5)(25)

The depth of his sight rippled through me, and my strength grew as I looked at the stone that stood suspended from the fine chain that was clenched in my fist.

My heart.

He was right.

I hadn’t realized it until that very moment, but inside of this diamond was not only a piece of my heart, but a piece that had not been infected with the torture of my father.

It hadn’t been destroyed.

“Will you keep the necklace, Jos?” I asked, my voice shaking as I tried to keep the voice at bay, as I tried to focus beyond it and get this final request out before it was too late.

She doesn’t want the necklace. Didn’t you hear?

“I can’t…” she began, but I couldn’t let her finish. I didn’t think I could stand to hear her rejection or have that pain return.

“No, not my heart. Just the necklace. A promise that maybe we can try to be friends again.” My voice caught as I tried to make her understand, to make her see why I needed this. It was important to me.

It wasn’t for what it had once meant. It was for what I hoped it could now mean.

“Of course.”

I barely heard her voice through the door, the whisper of assentation not quite enough to grant me the acceptance I was looking for, but enough that I knew she would at least uphold her side of the bargain.

It was enough.

The large stone spun through the air as I held it in front of me, the firelight refracting off the millions of facets and covering the hallway with dozens of tiny specs of the deepest red. To anyone else, they would be nothing more than the glint of the diamond.

My heart beat faster with the knowledge of what they really were, what was about to happen, and what was about to be returned to me.

“You can do it, son.” Sain’s voice was a deep root of confidence that embedded into my soul.

You are a fool. Stop playing games. Kill her now.

Shut up, Father.

“I know,” I whispered in a voice low with desperation. “I don’t know what’s going to happen when I do this, Sain. If I…” I couldn’t even bring myself to finish the sentence.

I ripped my focus from the necklace to the old man beside me. His eyes were wide and welcoming as he nodded his head once.

Even without the explanation, he knew the dangers. For all we both knew, the transition might destroy me.

Except, he knew otherwise. I could tell from the look in his eyes. The sight meant more to him than I could ever understand.

I stared at him as the frantic pace of my heart beat slowed, the necklace lowering into my palm in a surge of magic and pain that ignited through me at the touch of the stone against my flesh.

It rippled over me in heat and agony, as if it was threatening something I didn’t quite understand. Something I didn’t want to know.

I didn’t wait. I pressed my palm against my chest. With the hard nob of the gem a painful pressure against my chest, the heat only grew.

Then my chest opened up in a pain so deep it was ripping me in two, my chest opening as the tiny shard of myself was returned to its rightful place.

I fought the need to scream. Instead, I let out a deep grunt that moved over the halls that echoed in my ears alongside the deep, mournful laugh of my father and the sharpened gasp of worry from Sain.

It had hurt so much more when I had removed the piece of my heart and placed it inside the necklace. When I had done that, I had gone to the forest where I had always taken Joclyn, gotten drunk enough I couldn’t feel anything, and then cried for hours until I had finally passed out.

This was pain, but it was the pain of recovered love, the piece of my heart moving right back to where it belonged.

As quickly as the pain had come, it left, my breath heaving as it faded to nothing more than the dull throb of a deep tissue bruise. My hand fell away to reveal only the diamond lying in my hand. The cold surface was slick with my own blood, the gleam staring at me.

“It looks just like your eyes,” I said the words aloud, feeling the bind Ilyan had put on my mind slipping away and taking with it the clarity that had been so treasured. I knew I needed to get the words out now before it was too late. Before I wanted to kill her again.

“Wear it always.” It was a gasp in my throat.

Sain’s hand curled around my arm, his grip tight as he lifted me to standing, guiding me down the hall.

I leaned against him as we moved, feeling Ilyan’s bind slip off my mind, the last thin shield he had provided me with fading into nothing.

I cringed as the voice returned, and the sharp claws of my father dug back into my soul.

I expected it. I expected the madness. I expected the anger and the hatred.

But, for whatever reason, it didn’t come back, not as it was. It would never be like that again.

I wasn’t free, not yet, not even close.

However, Sain was right; it was a stepping stone, a brief reprieve and bolster for what was coming. I had recovered enough of myself that, while the road before me was nowhere near the simple path I would hope, it was a bit clearer.

The footing a bit more sure.

With this one piece of my heart, I would take back not only the blade, but my soul, as well.

Just as Sain had said.





WYN





Six


I could hear her laugh echo around me, the child like joy that had driven me mad so many years before, driven me to the point that I had willingly sacrificed my memories. I had sacrificed who I was to find an escape from that laugh, from the light-hearted joy that brought tears to my eyes.