Broken Juliet(74)

“Well, you seem to be spending all of your time with him these days. Perhaps you’re confused about who’s your actual boyfriend and who’s the annoying f*ck trying to get into your pants.”

“He’s not trying to get into my pants! How many times do I have to tell you that?”

“Cassie, I’ve seen how he looks at you.”

“Who cares how he looks at me? He’s never, and I mean never, tried anything! He’s been a perfect gentleman, despite how rude you are to him all the time.”

“Oh, sure, a perfect gentleman who’s spent the better part of six weeks groping your tits.”

“Oh, for God’s sake!” I rub my eyes. “I can’t do this with you right now. I really can’t. You’re wearing me out. We have the most important performance of our lives in four days, and right now you’re tying yourself in knots and taking me with you. You have to stop. Seriously.”

He sighs and goes silent.

I hate fighting with him, especially over the phone. If he were here, I could touch him. Show I love him and only him. As it is, I can just picture him, tense-jawed as he jumps to all the wrong conclusions. Doubting himself enough to doubt me.

“Yeah. Okay. Well, I’d better go. Good night.”

“Wait.”

He pauses. “What?”

“Do you want to come over when your rehearsal is done?”

“Why?”

“Because … I miss you and want to see you.”

“Cassie, you’re exhausted. I’m exhausted.”

“So? Just come over and sleep here. Please.”

“I don’t think so. You need to rest and you just admitted I’m wearing you out.”

“Ethan…”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

The line goes dead, and I flop back onto the sofa.

Crap.

I pull off my wet shoes and socks, then send him a text.

<I’m sorry. I love you.>

Predictably, I don’t get a reply

Half an hour later, I’m getting out of the shower when there’s a knock at the door. I put on my robe and answer it to see Ethan there, drenched.

“What are you doing? You’re soaked!”

“You asked me to come over, remember? I’ve been knocking for five minutes.” He looks past me into the apartment. “What the hell took you so long?”

“I was in the shower.”

I can see suspicion all over his face, and I roll my eyes as I grab the front of his shirt and drag him inside.

“Stay,” I say, and leave him dripping on the rug as I head off to grab some towels.

When I get back, I throw a towel over his head and roughly dry his hair.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?”

“Why?”

I push him down onto the sofa and pull off his shoes and socks.

“Because you have absolutely no clue how much I love you.” I unbutton his shirt and pull it off. “And you think stupid, impossible things, like I could want anyone but you.”

“Cassie…”

“Shut up.”

I pull him to his feet and gesture to the bedroom. “Go take a look.”

He frowns. “What?”

“Go look to make sure Connor isn’t in my bed. Check the closet, too. And Ruby’s room. While you’re at it, you might as well check my phone and computer. Make sure I’m not cyber-or text-f*cking him.”

He drops his head.

“Go on. Look.”

He drags his fingers through his hair and pushes it off his forehead. “I don’t need to look.”

“Don’t you?”

“No.” He walks over and puts his arms around me. “You’re right. I am an idiot.”

He buries his head in my neck, and that’s all it takes to defuse me. Then he presses his lips against my pulse, and I’m all wound up again.

Why doesn’t he understand this is what I want? This crazy über-lust he can elicit with a single brush of his lips. Doesn’t he get that no one will ever make me feel the way he does?

Dumb man.

He pulls open my robe, and gentle fingers trail apologies all over me.

“Tell me you love me again,” he whispers.

I cup his face. “I love you. More than that, I’m completely in love with you. Stop being ridiculous, please.” I kiss his chest and feel the rapid pounding beneath the muscle.

“I’ll try. It’s not easy. I’ve been this way for too long.”

“You don’t need to be.”

“Please inform my brain of that. It won’t listen to me.”

“Take me to bed. That’ll make your brain shut up.”

He scoops me up and carries me to the bedroom. I kiss him and touch him in all the ways I know he likes, as I try to chase away his fears for a while.

When we finally join, I see him let go of the doubt. But I know from experience that this sexual exorcism won’t last long though. We’ll make love and fall asleep in each other’s arms, and everything will be perfect, but in the morning the shadows will return.

I keep telling myself that if we can just make it to graduation, we’ll be okay. Connor will go his way, and I’ll go mine, and Ethan will have no reason to doubt anymore. But the logical part of me whispers that there’ll always be a Connor. Someone who threatens him and makes him feel like he’s going to lose me. And even though it will never, ever be true, I have no idea how to convince him otherwise.